MIRCH

Honestly speaking Mirch is kind of movie I always wait to write about.

21st December, 2010
With zero work on hand, I was forwarding yahoo emails received as a part of Yahoo group subscription. I surfed though lots of emails of hot models, bikini babes and sexy outlooks of actresses. An email came across my fun which in fact din’t, about “YREACH newsletter” which was depicting reviews for few movies including Nagavali, Tron legacy, Nene ambani (telugu movie) and MIRCH.

I only recall last lines for MIRCH after going through review – “This movie is a proof for the changing phase of Indian Cinema which touches the subject of adultery. The movie has high erotic content which does not fall under vulgarity but is a bold attempt.”

Could I have waited then? ;) :D
11 friends were ready within 2 hours for night show at CINEMAX as I did the publicity of sexual stuff of the movie; unfortunately as well as fortunately, all were Boys :D. Booked online tickets and got ready to get warm in thunderstorm cold at night. Reached there before 15 minutes and right at 16th minute we’re inn. Habitually, I was excited to unfold the folded core of the movie, the way boy does it for undressing girl ;) :D.

My Viewpoint on MIRCH:
To start with I have my words – This movie holds offensive concept of exposing feminine sexuality towards society but in all the ways it’s ugly truth that was unrevealed so far in our society. I would add - MIRCH is an artistic movie which does not possess high-budget production and glamorous stars but storyline of the film is very distinctive.

Why I liked this movie?
1. Story is about feminine sexuality which hardly has been depicted before.
2. I found it represented with clever humor to the audience.
3. I must say - The movie is full of attention-grabbing erotic and love-making scenes.

Plot:
Story is about struggling script writer (Arunoday Singh) who is unable to find producer for his script and this is when his girlfriend an established film editor, arranges for him to meet a film producer (Sushant Singh). Though Sushant likes Arunoday’s script, he fears of using the script for the film as he is doubtful about the returns that movie can fetch from the commercial point of view. To give it a captivating touch, Arunodaya puts forward an idea from Panchatantra -

A WOMAN IS CAUGHT RED-HANDED WITH HER LOVER BY HER HUSBAND AND YET, SHE MANAGES TO WRIGGLE OUT OF IT SCOT-FREE.

The above mentioned idea is central substance of the film and there are 4 stories written supporting it. All these stories take a route through the Panchatantra time period to modern day and convey a singular message that – “One can get through impossible situations if logic and wit are used properly.”
Innovative Idea here is – Women cheating men for gaining sexual pleasure from men outside of their married life. Here, women are casted into adultery. Moreover with all the stories, there is trench of humor on how women manages to escape from sin they committed with other men.

The first story, from 'Panchtantra', is of ancient times, where Raima sen is arousing woman having mature sexuality and Rajpal yaadav being portrayed as her husband. Rajpaal yadav to confirm about her wife if is faithful towards him or not, leaves her alone at home on King’s request of service for 15 days which in-fact he does not. He hides himself into home when she goes out, to spy her. With over burned sexual desire she is with Arunadoya now unknowingly her husband is spying her under same bed in same room. Suddenly she gets hint of her husband being there when she is about to burst out with Arunadoy over her desire. “What she does to cripple out of this situation is the fun point of the first story.”

Second story is placed in medieval times where Konkana is married & yearning woman but her husband Prem Chopra who’s old aged KING is uncapable of satisfying her. She founds Arunoday who is honest and truthful but Young guy who works for king. Konkana wants to lose her desire with him and starts hooking him up with help of Ila Tarun. How Konkana sen turns up with Anurodhay besides fulfilling the conditions of his – are smartly written.“The last condition to be fulfilled put by Arunoday is highest point of witty comic sequence of the whole movie.”

When 2 stories are charmed with exact amount of humor in between, Movie picks up the way it has to go on and it needs to be continued in post interval stories also.

The third story post interval is about Shreyas Talpade and her wife Raima sen placed in modern era. Raima sen as a wife possesses intense sexual interest for her husband along with love. Always ready to play with her husband and wants healthy sex relationship with Shreyas. However Shreyas doubts her love one day due to the way she exposes her sexual earnness all time. This doubt becomes turning point of her life and channels her up towards another man who’s painter she founds asking her to be part of his portrait sketch. Shreyas’s own style adopted to spy her wife becomes harsh part of life which her wife uses sharply and cleverly against him when she gets caught up RED HANDED on bed with Arunoday.

Candidly, the forth story is one shot predictable in which KonkanaSen Sharma and her husband Boman Irani accidently meets in hotel room cheating each other. No doubt, there is pinch of humor in this story too, but credit goes to excellent act by Boman Irani. Konkana sen sharma catches Boman(his husband) himself while she goes for extra-marital sex defeating over Boman’s Extra-marital enjoyment. However being cunning wife she manages to get rid of the situation along with achieving faith, money and sex from his husband. Konkana conquers over Boman in script but I must say Boman conquers over her when it comes on performance part.

The fifth one is not the story but the fact of Sushant’s life who just listened to all the stories from Arunoday, which tries to neutralize the effect of all 4 previous stories. This story ends up with positive approach that touches your heart.

Interesting stories all, but the level of interest in those all stories fluctuates radically. Somewhere I read MIRCH refers to as "a celebration of womanhood” which stands true after one comes out of the show. In single sentences I would say it’s smart and witty comedy movie having plot of feminine sexuality; not a serious take on feminism. It is erotic, but definitely not vulgar. I’d seen lots of films dealing with male sexuality, but MIRCH is outstanding work on women's sex desire and that too with humorous take.

Performances:
Vijay Shukla included talented and versatile cast - Konkona Sen Sharma, Raima Sen, Boman Irani, Shreyas Talpade, Arunoday Singh, Sushant Singh, Ila Arun, Rajpal yadav and Prem Chopra.
Konkna Sharma: She’s excellent and enacts her part with flow less performance especially in second story she is able to show K power.
Raima Sen: Raima looks beautiful rather Erotic the way she never looked before. She delivers more through expressions. She makes herself fit perfectly into each story she is part of.
Arunoday Singh: A big portion of the film is pushed on Arunoday Singh's broad shoulders and he stands through it with likable act.
Shreyas Talpade: Sincere performance which comes naturally to him.
Boman Irani: Delivers Short but excellent act that lifts the forth story.

Ila tarun suits in role she is given, Rajpal Yadav does not get much scope, Prem Chopra is good and Tisca Chopra is fiery.


Final Verdict:
MIRCH has two stories in the first half [greatly narrated] and two stories in the second [predictable though enjoyable due to SEX as content]. Fifth one is message giving fact which is definitely likable. On the whole, MIRCH talks about the live issues of sex with the comic flavor very well but with offensive content. Must watch for current generation as some surely’ll be able to connect their life with these stories.
Besides I believe is – It needs mature enough audience to handle the exposed female sexuality on screen. But I will say if audience can laugh on trenched humor exposed behind keeping sex as content, it’s so far so good.

Cultural sense ??? :( :( :(

September 2005,
Manish Sir: What is “||” (pipe) used for in Linux?
jESS: “Pipe” command?
Manish Sir: Is pipe command?
jESS: ?????????????. Sir, It is used to edit the file and print the output in shell.
Manish Sir: Tell me honestly, how much do u know about Linux shell? x-)
jESS: Sir, honestly kahu chhu, I’ve read only 2nd and 3rd chapter 
Mahish Sir: “Tu bahu moto hathodo che. This question is from second chapter itself you duffer” x-)
jESS: :’( :’( :’(

This is how I used to perform during Viva in college.
It’s been for all time fun even if I used to give forged answers in viva. Hardly could I convince faculties as normally I used to make “home production answers” in NIT :D ;). The fact is - I used to study only during semester exams and never picked up book on hand in pre test viva. Some one may ask “how about attending lectures?” – then I must say I was LLB (lord of last benches) of my class being expert and showing unique talent in passing comments to make other classmates LOL :D ;)

Lately I have been giving interviews which are no lesser than vivas to make change in current job, seeking for new challenges (What a fake reason it is! ;) :D) and expecting above 50% hike in salary. Anyways, it’s been good practice in NDTC Pvt. Ltd. on learning various testing techniques, automation testing and improving leading capabilities. In-fact, I was project lead for one small project that came to our company which got terminated within 3 months :( :( :( (Thanks to Dev Team @ATLANTA). But, now for any of the interview, my Job profile is reflected strikingly good and I can show my work as a lead. However, sometimes we can prove ourselves and sometimes we fail to prove. During Last Interview at StayInFront Pvt. Ltd in Gandhinagar – I proved myself and I also failed to prove at same time, but had been one of unforgettable experience of interview :)

9:45 PM,15th November, 2010
I already had granted a Sick leave for appearing in interview next day. Read about testing concepts late night before the day and also did some Database technical which I normally never have worked on, so needed to have at least persuasive answers ready. I am overconfident about my communication where by at least they will pass me in soft skills. I have worked on Automation testing, so I knew it would be extra benefit for interview.

Opened www.google .com and typed “Database interview questions”. One hit and What “Google” rendered me back was no lesser than Rajnikant ;) :D. More than thousands of questions and answers. I just started reading from “What is Database?” ;) :D. I din’t recollect the last question I went through and had been in dreams with nasty girls having playboy role play. Reminded me college exam days:D I’m sure every one of you must have experienced at least once such most happy sleep and unhappy exam; those who’ve not must be “CHATOOR” of 3-Idiots :D.

When I woke up I was already late out of my time. 10 minutes and I was done with POO stuff. 5 minutes more and I was out of shower. Took my shirt on and “One &Only Lucky Formal Trouser” which I wear for every interview(did anyone observe that I missed my inner wear? ;) :D). I had to reach to Gandhinagar, Infocity and I din’t have the address of the company. I logged into Gmail and take out the address on paper from interview invitation mail.

While I was combing, “Ohhhhhhhhh shhhhhhhhhhhit”. I forgot to shave; I was looking no lesser than GABBAR. Unfortunately dint have time by now; hence I compromised with thought that “they need smart guy, not handsome guy ;) :D”. In no time, packed up the interview file which I just had bought paying 180Rs and that ended up to another tragedy – “No copy of single resume in file”. It takes at least 45 minutes on FZ-16(I hardly miss to talk about my FZ :D) driving to Gandhinagar from my home. How would I reach on time – God knows? I had to get print of Resume ASAP; recalled FRIENDS cyber cafe which opens up around 8:00 in morning. Had my Resume on hand now and kicked on towards StayInFront. Touched 100Kmph somewhere in between on highway as I had only 30 mins to reach on time. But worthless………

Had to reach 9:00 sharp and it was 9:16 in my cell. Sony W910i was already showing 2 missed calls from HR of StayInfront.With no permission, went inside the StayInfront and it was decent infrastructure which I didn’t expected. Asked to one of the employee for HR’s cabin and right on 10th second I was inn.
“Hi, I’ve been called up for an interview today.” I spoke as I were to take interview ;) :D
“What’s your name?” asked HR.
“I’m Jasmin. Jasmin Prajapati.” - It’s my style of repeating name.
“Ohhh, I just called you up twice.” said HR with commendable voice.
“Is it?” My eyebrow was up. “Actually, I was waiting outside since 20 minutes and my cell probably is on silent, so din’t get an idea about your call.” I started making them fool right from HR.
She gave me smug smile and asked me to wait outside.

I was observing no. of girls and nature of girls over there thinking on if would they fit in my requirements and from nowhere a guy came to start with initial procedure form to verify weather I fit in their company’s requirements or not. Thank god I got above 60% throughout 10th, 12th and Graduation.

10:00 AM, 16th Nov, 2010 : Interview Level -1
Written exam for English and technical on-paper test. Needless to say I was through. I found English test very easy compared to English that I have command on. Technical test on testing was nothing greater than deriving test-cases from Requirement of client and I excelled in that. Later on I came to know that I got 57/60 for English test. I moved down to next round within 30 minutes where I had to face intuitionally smart guy who can rag me technically.

10:45 AM, 16th Nov, 2010 : Interview Level-2
He started with my introductory part and responsibilities I possess in current company. I started verbalizing all that I had gone through resume again and again with all glibness hold on communication. (I recalled my senior KG “Popat mithu mothu bole” :D :D :D). He was impressed; But then…………

He started with technical questions and initially I also started with technical answers. But when I was wrapped up by the “Twister” of Integration testing concept, I started babbling anything shit out of my words. I knew I was jammed up by him still I continued (may be I was looking for 1 correct statement out of 50). And it came - I was on track after prattling for 10 minutes and I could see his convinced face. Thank God !!

Within 20 minutes he was tired of asking question on same concept. He moved on practical scenarios giving me pen to test. I gave 15-16 scenarios and I got tired, but he did not. He kept saying “One more”…”One more”. He crushed all my oil out of me and moved to puzzles then. I was assured that I also must’ve been new puzzle to him ;) :D :D

2 puzzles he asked and honestly speaking I solved both.
One was ball puzzle and other was Try and Error puzzle. I am good at solving puzzles :) He was impressed by then and I know I was selected. But………

He asked me to tell him something I know about StayInFront and I was DoooooooooooM; rather I said “dint get chance to went through company profile; can you please summarize for same?”- 1st -VE impression.
He said “You seem to be hell loaded with your company responsibilities.”
“Yes, I too think so”
“Is that the same reason you are going to give for being unshaved?”
“:( :( :( :( :(”

He made some corrections in his interview form and I confirmed that he had cut down grades for being unshaved and thunderstruck about company’s knowledge. Though I chatted and asked about company cultures and working environment which might have impressed him over my communication – I thought

11:30 AM, 16th Nov, 2010 : Interview Level-3
This was the level I have posted blog for - if I be truthful. It was an ATTITUDE game for me and Project manager both.
The Project manager called me up for 2 things
1. To negotiate on package :(
2. To criticize me :(

Initially he also started ragging as he never did it in college asking about me, my reasons for change, hobbies, strengths and weaknesses etc. I had all answers ready for him. He also took my blog address “jasminspeaks.blogspot.com” when I told that writing is my hobby. I assured him that he gonna like my blogs. Especially “I loved call girl” and “Extreme Enjoyment @Extreme” ;) :D. I am big show off those who know me already know that :D :D D

“I’ll see” he said.
“So Jasmin I mean jESS, you are asking for ~70% hike in your expected salary. Why so? ”
“I think I deserve it after 3 years of experience and as per potential I possesses.” I blurted out as it was mugged up.
“Okay let’s play business game. Prove me that you deserve it and I will give you what you want.” He started showing himself.
“I think I already’ve proved in interview taken by your technical guy. You may offer me as per my performance.” I avoided ans.
“jESS, I doubt if 30 minutes of interview is sufficient to know potential of any person; so I can’t rely on that.” He kept hold on it.
“That’s what I’m saying. 30Mins are not enough to judge my actual potential. I may worth for 100% hike” ;) B) Nice punch.
“It’s not word game that we are playing. I am giving you 5 minutes to you, speak about yourself and convince me that you worth 70% hike.”
“I started as ………………1st minute………………………2nd minute………………………3rd minute………Done”
I spoke for 3 minutes and I was out of words now. Had he asked me to write about me, I would have given one more post.

“I offered you to speak about yourself for 5 minutes and you could speak for only 2.5 minutes. That too you spoke about what you’ve achieved not about what you worth for. Now you tell me what should I offer? Anyways leave it. Why do you want to change your job?”
“I want to work with new challenges and new technologies which can offer me stable process background and knowledge. Additionally I think that I am not paid as per my potential in my company so salary hike is also a concern.”
“What I think is your company gave you chance to work as leader within 2 years and you are not paying them back.”
“Of course I do and I have paid back for any responsibility they have offered me so far with all commitment towards work”
“That’s you are paying back for salary your company is paying you. Paying back to company is to stay with it for longer time and you are leaving it within 2 years. I could see un-justice to your organization. I could see you concerns to money only once you get ability to lead project and wonderful profile.”
“I don’t think so. I am offering you talent and you need to pay for it. You should see justice to your company”
“jESS, you’re technically good guy but you don’t have CULTURAL SENSE. Anyways, I am offering you 10% hike. Will you work for me?”
“No, not at all” I rejected offer confidently.
“15%?” He raised my market value
“Nope” I said again.
“20% ?” He seemed to be vegetable seller to me.
“I won’t work unless you give me 50% hike” I had to stop this childish negotiation.
“Okay then jESS – 20% is all I can offer you otherwise that is the way for the exit.” He slept me hard I hardly can bare this insult.
“Thanks Sir, I really didn’t know the way out.” :D :D :D

I was out of StayinFront with heavy blows from Project manager that time. I don’t know I proved myself or failed to prove.
But, What I’m still thinking on is “What is CULTURAL SENSE?” :D :D :D Can any one explain?

Corrupted Veins

Life often behaves a way that we can just stand fool and let the life decide the way. We play safe not because we can not play hard, but playing hard sometimes does not worth the time we spent on it. If I am getting grown up as businessman, why to do which when does not worth to efforts I put on?

Honestly speaking, my all Morals got defeated poorly last month when I caught up by Traffic police at LAL DARWAJA.

I won’t say I have Corrupted veins rather I’ll say – I pumped up 1 corrupted vein that day.

It must not be new for all of you getting caught up by Traffic police and you don’t have license or PUC or Helmet or RC book. In-fact, things turns up one of the mentioned way later on.
1) He asks for fine, you pay it and tear up a Memo for same (legal action).
2) He asks for bribe of 20 to 500Rs and leaves you once you pay them.(illegal action but now a days it is no more lesser than legal)
3) He proves that you committed a traffic policy break up even if you dint and you get agreed to pay for same.
4) He checks for your bags you are carrying and tries to see height of your money and negotiate for bribe accordingly.
5) You beg to traffic police for some time and he let you go with out taking bribe or memo (1-2 % are chances if you really play smart).

What occurred to me lastly is not above, just because My name is jESS and I am not Corrupted ;) :D.

I showed up like BABURAV AAPTE (remember Hera Pheri-1?) having black helmet on when I was going to “A.G. Electricals” for plug holder replacement in electric bazaar on Gandhi road along with Bhavin. I normally put on my bag while going anywhere on FZ as my license, RC book, PUC etc. one can find dispersed in bag itself. (Hardly I can miss to write about my FZ-16, isn’t it? ;) :D)

I could smell the chicken and beef when passed by BHADRA. It really feels strange while eating it in restaurant one can enjoy it with utmost taste and spicy odor but why they felt like vomiting when smell them hanging openly in market?
Only skilled driver can ride bike when you enter GANDHI ROAD; if you drove by this place, you must have realized the deficiency of your driving skill set. It normally occurs getting hit by someone/ vehicle on this way. Funny part is - neither do they care when get hit, nor you care either. Just one or two dodgy expressions/words and you guys move on. In-case u stop for it, others keeps badmouthing you bcoz u stopped their way in such traffic where walking slowly is also big risk. There’s lot to write about this traffic area, but not now :)

We could see many bikes, scooters and autos coming across my way. In-fact on the way we dint see any THHOLO (traffic police) standing up for duty on Saturday eve. We reached the shop and within half an hour we were on way back to home. I was dreaming of having one time food at home once I reach……BUT…..

From nowhere one traffic police came and asked me to park my vehicle on side. I was amazed on why he stopped me? Instantly I started recalling about Number plate, Helmet, License, RC book, PUC and all. Did I make mistake? If yes, what? I was scratching up my mind on what could have gone wrong until that THHOLO came to me and Bhavin.

“Show me your license….”
“Why? Whats wrong?” asked Bhavin.
“You have been driving wrongly on ONE-WAY.”
“Sorry? We dint see any sign for ONE-WAY on this road and in-fact other people were also driving across my direction when we were heading towards Electric Bazaar on this road.” I grumbled.
“They were also driving wrongly on ONE-WAY, the only difference is - We were not here at that time” THHOLO said with slight anger in voice.
“But at least we should be noticed on that for ONE-WAY by some sign of board”
“Ch#*@ye, have you been first time on LAL DARWAAJA? Get me your license, I need to check it.”

I opened my wallet to show him license and he could see 30Rs in my wallet. (Do I sound like beggar?)
Thank god he dint check my bag – I had more than 12000 Rs in bag. (Now, who do I sound like? ;) :D )
I thought License verification will be enough and he’ll let me and Bhavin go.

“This is Duplicate license. Show me original one.” He spoke carelessly without even looking at license.
“Sirji, This is Original License. Look at it at least once.” I said firmly.
“In-fact I have RC book and PUC along with me, if you need to see” I spoke before he asks me.

Now he was not in position to charge me over anything missing; hence we were relaxed but we get screwed right when we think we have figure it out (remember Chetan Bhagat?)…..........

“Take out 100 Rs.” He said in low but forceful voice.
I was dumb at the moment.
“But we have all the things you need for verification and also we dint hit any accident. We are driving safely. What money you are asking for?” I had to pitch in this way.
“Fine for driving on wrong side on ONE-WAY”
“But there’s no signal of Sign board. You show me the sign board and I will pay your fine. In-fact if you had to ask fine for ONE-WAY drive, why did you check out my license and all? ” I was getting involved now.
“Okay, collect your license from court after paying 350 Rs” and he started walking.

I was pointlessly stopped and asked for fine and when I denied they proved that I committed crime and took away my license. It really dint come anything in mind to work upon. But I was confidently sure on not paying him single penny. Why the fuck would I pay for nothing? Uske baap ke paise he kya? x-)

“Give him 30 Rs and he’ll let us go” said Bhavin.
“What? Should I pay him for nothing? …. I will not…”
“Understand the situation and don’t be emotional. Think practically that u will have to pay 350 at Court if you want your license back.”
“I will pay 350 at court and that is fair for me. But I will not pay him single Rupee”
“You’ve gone mad. You ain’t know nothing. You keep 30 Rs ready I will convince him for 30 Rs. Trust me..” Bhavin said assertively.
“You don’t have to convince him. I will not pay him and that’s for damn in no doubt. This guys are corrupted bcoz we pay them this way.”
“So what will you do? Tell me….Do you know “GHANTO BAVAGI NO” about corruption?”
“I will stay here and ask him to give back my License. In worst case I will take it from court paying 350.”
“What the fuck sheet you want to prove? You can not pay 30 Rs to him for nothing and you can pay 350 at court for nothing. Play smart. OK. This is not as easy as you think. ”
“I will play hard then.”
“Go and f#*k you’re Ass. I will pay 30 Rs. for you. You can give me 350 if you want.”
“You don’t have morals Bhavin, But I do”
“Learn it ASAP, Business does not count on morals. He’s not doing his job, he’s doing his business.”
“And I am doing my job at this moment; you can do your business whatever you want.”
Without word, he went to another OLD HAWALDAR who could be in his 60s and called him to me. HAWALDAR asked me to pay 50 Rs and he’ll convince that Traffic police, but I won’t get memo for same. I just thought why Bhavin is not HAWALDAR; as he was also trying to convince me.
“We have only 30 Rs you can check wallet if you want. We just purchased book and paid them” said Bhavin and opened my bag partially to show the books. (Thank god I also keep novels with me). “Please try to convince him in 30 Rs. We have License, PUC and all….We are also students and doing part time job to purchase books and fees of college….etc ” He continued without thinking about my FZ-16 :D :D :D.
I must say he was dufferly playing smart. Thanking god again and again that HAWALDAR was also duffer which in-fact he was not .

He called up that traffic police in no moments and compromised him with 30 Rs. Bhavin paid 30 Rs, got my license back and that THHOLO was out of the air. I dint say single word till my license was with me. But now it was my turn.........

“Uncle, don’t you think that you took 30 Rs dishonestly? Ask to your heart, should u take this money or not?” I did biggest mistake asking this question to 60 years of experience.

“Don’t act smart asking this so politely and trying to sound Shahookar(honest). I have got thousands like you in my life. Had you not paid 30 Rs, you would have lost license worth 1500. It normally takes maximum 300 Rs to have license in legal way including your transport expenses, but I am sure that you had it via paying to Agent who makes you have it sitting at home without going RTO. Over RTO you can not stand in lines of hundreds of people to get license and you convince yourself to pay 1200 extra bugs to some cheater Agent, and when we take 30 Rs of yours, you thinks that we have fucked you :D :D. You guys are already fucked up before…Ain’t you?”
“What do u think, how would you get your license back from Court if u don’t pay 30Rs?” that OLD IS GOLD asked me.

“I don’t know…”

“Exactly, you really don’t know how to get it back and how much it will take to get license back. How does it sound that you pay 350 Rs in court and still you never have your license”

“what ? Dint get you….”

“You will pay 350 at court and court will give you receipt to show it to RTO. We send your License to RTO and RTO will give you license back once you show them receipt. But think on part where your license does not reach to RTO :)

“But why license won’t reach to RTO?”

“My boy, we have more than 25000 such licenses which never reached to RTO and got lost in between, but the fact is we never sent them to RTO. Who will take this responsibility - None. RTO will keep telling you that they dint receive your license and you will go to court again. Court will ask you to come down to us and we will say “WE ALREADY HAVE SENT IT TO RTO :)”.

I was speechless, thoughtless and moral less then. What could I have said?
He just put his hand on my FZ, looked at Bhavin and said “Nice Bike, Give me part time job which can buy me such bike ;) :D :D.” He laughed and went away.

I don’t have any conclusive part on this incidence, but it keeps pinching my mind that: How can Corrupted Veins be f#*ked up until they get wiped out? Unfortunately next thought was : I hung up with only 1 corrupted guy but we have more than 100 carores people in India :(

Eternal spark of Pie …..

“How do you win pleasure in having sex with same woman every night, every week or month?” - was the way I (jESS) started my urging arguments last week with JASULAAL.

At the moment I am jazzing jESS(24 years old) but after 11 years I perhaps will be entitled as great JASULAAL (married for 10 years – my anticipated future at early 40s having 2 kids). We went though interesting dialogue past night – could be THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT of my first point of thinking over SEX which rendered me this post.

Question I asked to JASULAAL murmured quite times during past 2-3 years. I asked same to my roommates in pune 2 years back, I also asked it to few outspoken girls – but responses I collected from JASULAAL were Vital and may be imperatively constructive for rest of life. So I posted it on my wall forever – you may/may not need call for them in future.

“There’s lot you have to learn on post marriage life. U can learn only when u marry” I (JASULAAL) responded.

He tried to avoid because as a rule I talk very filthy and rubbish with arguments which hardly some1 can stand to, when it comes to SEX – but as I (jESS) had good hold this time, it continued.

“If I don’t marry ? Your marriage date is 15/11/2011. 10 years and 5 months and you still carry different MANFORCE Flavors every week which keeps irritating me how you could follow sex with same woman every week? Bit direct question – but don’t you get tired of her or bored of routine you follow in bed-room since about ~350 weeks? ” - I retorted to JASULAAL.

“You can be good manager of your salary paying company in future but you can’t be good manager of life if you don’t marry and keep innovating interest towards wife to protect beauty of relationship and spark of sex life alive.” – Low though convincing voice I heard from JASULAAL.

jESS: “Ohh God,not again. Anyways, let’s regard as – I will marry. Now you can lecture me on post-marriage SEXANAND secrets or tricks if u have ;):D”

JASULAAL: Simple logic – If you have RICE with you and you have to eat it for 15 days, u should/will try KHICHDI, JIRA RICE, PULAO, BIRYANI or something which ends it as innovative dish. Because every human needs a variation in every aspects of life and that’s where your exceedingly talented question came up from. No one wants to follow repetition in bed forever –neither do I nor does my wife. Everyone wants NEW including you, he, she, it, Lesbos and Gays. But Marriage is more than you ever can think of and what I know about you is: You are running away from marriage – so we won’t discuss on marriage anyways.”

“Wait. Marriage is not I’m running away from. I just am hesitant of getting married with single girl and spending whole life sleeping with her.” I spoke harshly.

“Sex is all you think of?” - answered by experience of 10 years.

“Habitually ;) :D :D. But point is – how to cultivate or nurture sex with same partner sturdily for years?” I reminded my straight question to JASULAAL.

JASULAAL: “There’s lot you can think of and do – to save your sex life till the day you are Efficient Enough even if she’s only THE ONE you have on bed for all years.”

"I am Efficient Enough these days- tell me now ;) : D: D“ – I spoke with utmost pride for my capability.

JASULAAL: “Okays – as I told you it just needs an innovation. Every time you do it, you and she should feel that you did something new.”

“Are you talking about different positions?” – just came into my mind from nowhere, so I asked.

JASULAAL: “Ha ha ha. You know lot about positions, isn’t it? But my answer is No. Positions may create side effects of muscular pains. Same positions, but different way to reach to them. Always remember – Destiny is hardly important, rather how much you enjoyed on the way to destiny is important. Do you know about Role play?”

“Yes, did lot of times in schools. But, how it’s pertinent to SEX?” – I queried.

“Human normally gets aroused seeing love making scene in movies or while reading erotic books – Agree? (U must – otherwise I will doubt on your physical/mental normality ;) :D ). If books or movie scene turns human on, imagine how much more effective it will be in real life. Think up which is your partner’s favorite movie love making scene and recreate it in your bed-room. You don’t necessarily have to get each and every detail right - work on your own part.” – My 10 years of high octane performance started to guide jESS.

jESS: “Good one. So I and her need to see lots of movies ;) :D. Anyways - got you. Next?”

“Always share dark chocolates before sex. In-fact your kiss should start with single chocolate sharing with lips. Keep your and hers tongue clean and have mint before you kiss. Always have effective foreplay and make her feel the magic of your fingers on her body. Play with her like child” – reminded me 1st KISS with chocolate with my wife.

“Go on…..” – I said to I after 11 years.

“Converse sexy, bit vulgar but humorous and bit romantic but lusty words before her. That’s a reason why phone sex is so popular in this generation. Words can indeed be an instant in effect. Ask your partner what she’s wearing and describe as sexily as you can and never be KANJUS even if you are not expressing truth of her to her. Talk about how you’d like to undress her. Tell her about your secret fantasy and get her to tell you hers and then discuss how you could indulge in it while in the bedroom.” – I said and thought jESS must know about this before he becomes me, so I continued and so does he (jESS).

“Something more please…..” I requested to JASULAAL.

“Always look at her eyes while undressing her. Make gestures of love even if you are up to hell lusty or horny about making it. Be gentle until she is ready for highest pleasure and when her response is at highest level make her feel earthquake ;) – may be he/she can make you feel the same way if she’s truly ready.” – I purvey jESS’s request considering he knows well “how to get response in”.

“Is this good enough? Or some more I can try before/during making it.” - I too wanted to continue…

“Of-course you can. This is quite FILMY to set it up but it works. Put out lights; opt for some perfumed candles and disperse petals of roses all over the bed and whatever else you think will work to make the more beautiful and delightful. For element of surprise, you can lead your partner into the bedroom with eyes covered. Or else Leave a note on TV remote that says “Turn me on instead” OR Leave direction in the forms of pieces of your clothing from the front door to your bedroom and Let her find you lying seductively on the bed and enjoy the action that follows.” – I suggested this even I was not sure weather jESS gonna try this, and continued with next one.

“One more but “Dil mange more” innovative idea – Don’t touch her by hands. It’s quite amazing how a simple touch can indeed arouse your partner. But instead of using your hands like you always do try to arouse her by using some other body part say - your lips rolling over her/his body. Unbutton her/him using your teeth instead of hands. Tell your partner it’s hands free night and be as innovative as you can and you will be surprised at how much he/she will love it.”

“then?....” said jESS.

“then what?.....Khichdi pak gai he, garma garma kha lo…nahi to thandi ho jayegi ;) :D…. go and indulge making it like street dogs….” I LOLed telling this to jESS.

“ha ha ha……Bhabhi must be indulging it with you same way JASULAAL ;) :D :D” I also sniggered silly at JASUBHAI.

“My Bhabhi(your future wife) also can make it with me if you wish to…. ;) :D” – after all I had 10 years of expo !!
jESS: “Topic change……………………………………..”

“Hey jESS, don’t miss to enjoy shower together in morning. Nothing is better than a couple having shower with perfumed soap after thundering night with earth-quaking SEX. Indulge Sex Pie and best of luck :)”

That’s it. I ended up with conversation to my future – but it was the most valuable dialogue we exchanged - I think. Weather I/you go for boat of LIVE IN or knot of MATRIMONY – everywhere it gonna help.

After all Eternal spark of sex pie should not die.....Isn’t it?

One more Nasty day of life ....

Well, just 1 week back 1nce again, I proved why people write on B’day – Have Blast!!

13 September 2010. 10:30 PM
“I screwed up my mind” when I dint want to make it to sustain my ASS constantly on chair working for General Motor project late night in office. Who would like to work late when subsequent to 2 hours it’s gonna start his/her b’day? I was totally concerned about partying with dudes catching up vodka and bears with biting up spice rather than satisfying Clients at US on GM project.

On same time, Colleagues came along and said “Let’s have dinner as we gotta work for some more time” and we were in Canteen by then. I was even not interested having dinner – was quite obvious (kaha Bear-Kurkure aur kaha Daal-chawal? ;) :D). Suddenly Clapping started and I could loudly hear “Happy b’day to you………………....dear jESS…Jassi…”. Just turned up and CHOCO Cake was ready for getting raped by 8-9 monsters around. Small cake cutting and then – Cake was creamed up on my shirt, my pant and my hunky face (those who’ve seen me, stop laughing ;)). I was looking like Army guy splitting up black zaps on face. Had b’day bums after cake cutting and lightest dinner with all mates. It was good open before it actually opened (hope it never occur to my marriage ;)). Honestly I dint anticipated this and that point of surprise I loved too much. Special Thanks to Rajat and Neeraj :)

13 September 2010, 11:49 PM.
10 Minutes +/- few seconds, were to go and I was gonna complete 24. This was the instance when It kept jumping my heart and waited for 10 minutes I hardly wait in a whole year for anything. Feeling ecstasy in stomach for each moment passing by and looking forward for nasty day to come along within PALS (moments) with lots of PALS (friends). I had not to be ready for bang – I already was and I always do. A spark which gonna keep me truly ALIVE for whole day – gonna fire it up in 10 minutes. It’s akin feeling that KID experiences while moving towards Chocolate when he spots it in hand of her Mom – the only difference was Chocolate itself was walking towards me today. Honestly I was counting down since a week for my b’day. I was really keen to have first kiss of my b’day – And to proudly say, she was not girl, it was my HAYWARDS 5000 tin.

Bang - It's 12:00 (AM/PM) - 14th September – 2010
Wooooooooooooooooooooo!! Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooom !!
Tins were already open before 2 minutes and bear was flowed up out of it all over the floor of shop. 7 horrible guys (Me, Bhavin, Sanjay, Kaa bhai, Parth, Amar and Dhawal) – I was certain that 12 bears and 1 vodka were not enough. One by one, each one started having pegs of vodka, some took direct and some took it with Sprite. Bhavin normally take it direct to boost up heavy kick of Alcohol, but he hardly can handle himself after torrential shower of vodka. Cake was ready again (but who cares for cake?), with Kurkure, Sing bhujiya(my favorite) and Mung daal. I started eating heavily with Haywards 5000 and 3 small pegs of Vodka. I knew I was jerked off by intoxication but party never gets over until all alcohol is poured out (from bottle) and poured in(to stomach). None was ready to leave single drop into tins and bottles. However - Needless to say cake was wasted more than half :)

Drunk cannot be said Drunk until he says “Mane chadi nathi”. Kaa bhai and Sanjay – when were out of their control, started saying –
“Bh***** saala Bhavin, aa vodka to chadati j nathi….kyathi mangavi che?”.
“Tame chhokri bani jav, pachi Vodka to shu kai pan chadi jase? :D :D :D" said Bhavin
"Vodka homosexual nathi Laagti: D: D: D” I replied.
"Gh***o..." said Sanjay and took one more bear on hand.

There were lots of vulgarities, non-veg baaten at extreme level, cursing up old girl friends and breakups, extra marital affairs wali aunties and all other “cheap harkate” which normally friends(boys) do talk about and do - we did which I won’t mention here in detail (muje sharm aa rahi he ;) :D).

Nevertheless - I sensed like I was truly “Bourne Ultimatum” again but in some other world. Thank you GOD ;) !! Apparently – I could not go home until I can re-member (smart use of word…right?) name of my DAD. Till the time me, Bhavin and Sanjaybhai moved to MAC-D on bikes – it was fun riding FZ in illusionary and crazy world where anytime if I miss my focus, gonna break my ASS along with Sanjaybhai’s. What a spinning Drive it was ;)! I am proud that I have good control over drinking. We sat at Mac-D with totally controlled version of us having minted mouth. I had already my mobile switched off – “NO SORRY” to those friends who tried to connect me after 12:00 for wishes ;)

It’s 02:30 AM - 14th September – 2010
I arrived home belatedly around 2:30 AM and slept on SOFA without speaking up single word (the way “CHUNHA gets into Hole without any Noticing act”). It’s really worth saying that I had BLAST like a BOMB outside and @home I ended up as “SURSURIYA” ;) :D

To be continued ….

DABAANG: Banging in Theatres!!

Friday - 10th of September, I heard about people strikingly booming in the theatres watching – Dabbang!! Being a biggest movie freak, couldn’t stop myself watching it ASAP. I saw (rather enjoyed at peak) it yesterday and here it is about fiercely, sternly and brilliantly executed “GOOD vs BAD” saga of CHULBUL PANDEY.
Lately I saw WANTED as powerful hit with hard hitting impacts and Now it’s DABAANG! Well to scribble it in short – DABAANG reveals STAR POWER of SALMAAN at highest the ways it has in WANTED. Some may/may not agree with me – but this 2:00 hours could never be what they are if SALMAAN KHAN is not starring it. There’s no doubt with this ultimate entertainer – SALMAAN supremacy is utterly intact as of AAMIR and SRK.

Plot (Those who have not seen can ignore Plot):
DABANGG is a story of Chulbul Pandey [Salman Khan], a LION king but corrupt police officer with unconventional styles of working with the criminals. Movie starts with 2 brothers Chulbul and Makhanchan[Arbaaz Khan] having bitter childhood. Chulbul’s father is no more and thus Makkhanchan is step brother, after his mother [Dimple Kapadia] married to Prajapati Pandey [Vinod Khanna].
Prajapati favors Makhanchan, which Chulbul simply does not like and go with. He decides to take work his way and separates himself from his step-father and brother. His only concerned for is his mother.
Rajo [Sonakshi Sinha], comes into his life accidently and he falls in love with him. Chulbul marries her and realizes the value of family, wanting back his father and brother. But Cheddi Singh [Sonu Sood] a cruel politician is against the way Chulbul works against his people and deceives money of him. This results into putting one brother (Makkhanchan) against the other (Chulbul).
When Makhanchan realizes he has been used, he turns to Chulbul and Chulbul takes on it to revenge SAGA!!

My view:
Frankly – such stories have been in Bollywood again and again in past and this is simply a repetition. What ultimately works for this 2:00 hours are - Immense dose of light moments which sticks to SALMAAN’s personality like a Glue, engineering action with South touch and one in ALL – SALMAAN throughout movie. In fact - movie collects highest points with Stylist Action with brilliant execution (hats up to S.Vijayan). Music is strictly Okays. Truly speaking – songs puts breaks to accelerated Roller costar ride during first half. However light punches on screen during songs are well picturized, works well and keeps smile on the faces. Soundtracks “Munni Badnaam hui” as well as “Tere Mast Mast Do Nain” have already good response at the music stands before release and they works on display too. Title track works as flashing blaze. First half of the movie simply introduces characters with outstanding screening and immense of humor. Background music scores at highest level especially during actions.
The second half is when story reveals itself and Revenge saga starts and ends with supremely. The climax is sure to send scores of action lovers in frenzy, as SALMAAN bashes the evil forces.

ON the flip side – This movie could have better effect with cutting down 1-3 songs. Excessive Editing is good to cut down movie, however at few instances it results into abrupt increase of speed.

Performances:
Salmaan Khan: Again and Again – SALMAAN is the MASS of the DABAANG. Salman is like a ferocious lion who roars with all his might. The show belongs to THE LION, who scorches the screen every time he displays the manic anger.He enacts ruling hand over attitude,humor and emotions at places too. This is his deadliest performance to date. Without doubt, Salman empowers DABAANG from all directions.
Sonakshi Sinha: She is good looking, well characterized and well talented as well. In short, her performance simply works well for this movie though it's little part against Salmaan.
Sonu sud: Sonu sud is excellent as Villain and performs his part with good marks.

Vinod Khanna and Arbaaz khan are okay with performances. Dimple Kapadia is good as SALMAAN’s mom and enacts effectively her part, though very short. Om Puri, Mahesh manjrekar and Anupam kher are wasted talents. They are outstanding actors but just don’t get scope. I must say - wrong choices for them.

Final Verdict:
This movie is the Jackpot for all the Diehard fans of Salmaan. Go – Laugh – Applaud - Clap – Whistle and jump for Salmaan!! Salmaan’s fan gonna get more than expectations for sure.

Ratings:
Movie is candidly about 3 / 5 – but Salmaan’s presence excellently lifts it to 4 / 5 

Finally we did it ...

Continued...

Lastly we're on the way to PANJARAPOL with Cow lying on backend of Tempo protected by 2 mates, tightly bound with rope against hold of tempo's sticks. Now we're enjoying trim trim of rain companioning our journey. Street dogs were ":(". Threesome on Amar's bike and I am with Bhavin on my one and only FZ. Mashabhai was driving tempo and 2 others in backyard of tempo to take care of cow. Now we are flying moody. Respite from lot of efforts - but still we had lot to see......

Time: 3:00 AM, Panjarapol.
Reached by PANJARAPOL within 15 minutes expecting optimum optimism from the situation we were into. God always seize you on trial again and again when you move towards noble cause - and each trial must to be fought for (I won't say "each exam must to be PASSED").

"I cannot help anyhow" was last sentence of watchman whom we woke up.

In fact - Watchman was sleeping when we already were IN PANJARAPOL without any permission. Waise bhi - "What the f#&k is permission?" thinks AMAR and I follow. I as well thought of the situation where if someone tries to stir me up at 3:00 o'clock - what could have been my response? But instantly I had to erase that thought - as I can't back off this time.

"O bhaiya...O bhaiya" grunted Amar, with high pitch voice.
"Ammmm...Uhmmmm..kon?" murmured the guy who took full ticket for sleeping and we cut it to half.
"ek gay ne mukvani che...accident thayo che" (hope you all read it as GAAY ;) :D)
"atyare naa mukay...panjarapol bandh thai jay che 11 vaage...kale lai ne aavjo"
"kaale mel na pade bhala maanas...atyare lai ne aavya chiye"
"rate tamane kya mukva dav?...chaavi nathi mari pase...khulli naa mukay gay nekutra heran karse"
"sodho ne chaavi mali jay to.."
"are yaar e pela saaheb lai jay chekale saware aavse...tame kale aavo...atyare kai nai thay"
"dekho bhai amara mathi koi ni aa Gaay nathi...bas rasta par ni gay che ane ame lai ne aaya chiye...ame aatli badhi help kari gay ne to tame thodi nai kari sako?"
"tamari vaat sachi che bhai pan mara haath ma kai nathi...jao tame have ungh naa kharab karso"

We cursed that guy and did not bother to shut the PANJARAPOL gate. We already had subsequent move to the next target.

Time: 3:20 AM, Animal Hospital, Near VS
Again..........
Closed was the gate of Hospital. It's quite obvious - we didn't go back seeing it closed.Biggest anticipations slapped all of us but how could we stand out of our efforts now?
We started dialing numbers on the board standing on gate of hospital.
"Tring.tring tring.tring tring.".We heard the ringing in hospital wards as it was serene calm night.
Nobody picked up the call; hence now it was time to show our talent. We saw 2-3 quarters inside the gate. We were sure of someone sleeping (most probably ;)) at this time inside. We shouted like street dogs more than 20 times if anyone was there to open gate bloted with iron chain passed through JALARAM locks.

"Leave yelling for help" said Amar and I already had climbed up the gate with small stick in my hand (In-case KUTTEs emerge from anywhere). So the others followed. This was about gonna go really interesting - I knew it. We all were IN, except Raju seeing the Cow outside. Now we're geared up for anything to face, knowing what we did involved towering risk and it may end up either with "Hit by people sleeping (most probably ;)) around" or "Police station ke Dande" - Firmly. But we were WE ;)

A truth is - "Sometimes we can answer to GOD but can't to our self if we run away from situation and don't try with our 100%. You are more nearer to yourself than GOD - believe it."

One by one - we all initiated careful steps towards quarters. We also had to be extra vigilant of doggies. Animal hospital and we can't find DOGs - seems Impractical - Isn't it? 2 dogs from nowhere smelled our ASS and came out suddenly barking at peak tone - Thank god we had sticks with us for protection.
"Normally man's Stick need protection (during Sex) but this time Stick was protecting man ;) :D :D "

"Wow wow wow wow" - They must be habituated of seeing nice street Bitches. - I thought.

Time for Fight!!
A Guy came out of quarter and I could see unzipped pant :(. Clearly I could guess what he was asleep after :D. He just had fought night battle with his wife(most probably) and now he was ready again for fight.

"Bh%$#^%^^.Bhe*&*&..Chu%^%^%"
"Dekho Bhaiya hum Chor nahi he..suno bhaiya..baat suno hamari"
"rate 3 vage lagan ma aaya cho tamara baapa na?"
"Dekho, Sirji - vaat saambhalo pahela..pachi gaalo dejo" Amar retorted.
"Su sambhalu tari vaat Bh#@#@?.. Bolavu chhu police ne.."

Amar opened wallet and showed him CARD and opponent was DUMB, the same instance.
I along with all others was also curious to see the CARD - but that waited for some time.

"Ek gaay no accident thayo cheene laine aavya chiyeahiya koi safe jagya par mukvani che"
"kya che Gaay?. Tame pahela kidhu hot to aa badhi babaal j naa karet..mane thayu ke" replied that guy with low voice now.
Amar was on way to get COW Inside without listening him. We also followed him. I asked that guy to unlock gate so we can move them IN and he followed me.

All were IN along with COW. We lifted COW again with tremendous efforts and landed her on safe place under roof. Mashabhai talked to that guy to get help in the morning by very first doctor in the hospital. I and Amar gave advance fees to him and said THANKS. That guy also asked for water but we had some other plan.

4:00 Morning, VS Hospital
Now we're chatting our expo at VS with Tea/Coffee and Maskaban. We cursed all of people (Monsters) came across situation and didn't help. It's been amazing time - 7 unknown people became friends just bcoz of single purpose they shared. Exchanged professional information and contacts. We also came to know Amar's father was PI. Moreover - it reminded me school/college days when we used to go for Tea/Coffee (more precisely for roaming ;)) at 3:00 o'clock with friends on exam nights. Had hand shake after 30 minutes being there, with pride on each face and I took a leave.

4:45 - I was home. Mom asked the reason and I just smiled :)

Human Monsters II

Recap(Human Monsters I): 5th August 11:30 --> Bopal Highway --> Cow Accident --> Crowd --> Amar --> Enourmous calls for animal help --> Private Doctor came - repaired - took 1200 --> Cow had tiny relief.

06th August, Bopal - 1:00 am.
1200 in hand and doctor was on his way back to home with free provision of 1 more advice: “Please move cow to safe place”.

Subsequent Duty was before us now.
Find a vehicle which can be used to carry cow to safe place.
1:00 o’clock and finding tempo appeared easy initially with heavy contacts all had but …..
13 calls again and there was no positive response. We attempted all possible phonebook entries who can come around up at 1:00 to help in carrying COW to hospital, but again we're retorted back similarly we had been, while finding a doctor.

CELL START and along with AMAR, I was on the way to find Goods carriages tempo. Intentionally – without permission we entered into one flower godown, owner of which normally use tempo to transport their flower pots and all stuff. Asleep was guy with big tummy open. I at once went through thought of – “Getting Hit by that owner with harsh bad mouthing which we might never have heard of”.Awaking fiend KING at 1:00 o’clock after entering in his kingdom without permission – what an IDEA Sir ji ;) :D . I was by then afraid of what gonna go next.

“Any one’s there?” AMAR yelled.
For 3 minutes, we were under good fate that OWNER was sleeping hard like Kumbhkarna.
“6th Call for help woke him up and right at 4th minute our ASSs were back on FZ(my FZ ;) ), when we also came to know he was asleep drunk :( :( :(. I won’t mention what never heard words he threw on us when he woke up due to Amar shouting for help – it was something expected and we got them CHAPPAR FADKE ;) :D

First idiotic and MAD effort was failed, but as I said - we already had chosen COW against situation. Besides I believe - 2 kinda people happiest in d world. MAD and KID. One should try like MAD to achieve unachievable and once it’s achieved he can enjoys it like KID !!

Time: 1:20 am (IST), 6th August.
Let’s go for second idiotic attempt.
We with utmost conviction in heart started stopping every means of transportation going on highway. We 6-7 people kept checking each &every van, automobile, truck, tempo - if anyone we could catch free to carry COW.We got the one but driver was not ready to help. He was drunk (normally drivers drink before night transport) and he was not sure he could help us. I tried to make him expressively poignant – but it was all in vain as he was intoxicated. We just had to let him go. We all about stopped 15 vehicles in 30-40 minutes and we did not have THE ONE till the time.

Time: 1:45 am (IST), 6th August.
We asked to number of friends who did have transportation occupation in BOPAL itself, if they can’t come we’re ready to drive ourselves but ended up with conclusion - it was our fault to rely on friends even. Someone’s tempo was punctured and someone’s breaks were troubled with. Someone had engine problem and someone had Gear and clutch halted. Concisely - none was concerned to aid that cow in moving it to hospital. FUCKING MONSTERS!!

We also asked to two night duty police guys if they can help us at this time. Instead of help they reverted back with “tum sab ka naatak bahot der se dekh raha hun…marne do na usko…tumhare baap ka kya jaata he?.....ghar jaao nahi to VAN bulaani padegi tum sab ke liye”. I could smell alcohols in their words and we went back with no reply. But honestly – I wanted to kill that Police Guy that moment.

Time: 2:00 am (IST), 6th August.
“We can also drive Auto cycle if we can have it” I said.
“Are u mad? Its ~20 Kms to ride tricycle with around ~250kg of cow.”
“But if we don’t have any other option, we can do this. Do u have any contacts for Cycle which is used for carriage vehicle?”
“But who will drive it?”
“We are 7 people here. Everyone can do it 3-4 Km. each. We will tie rope with Bikes to pull cycle along. One would be needed to handle steering”
“That can work perfectly”.

9898568246- tring tring ….tring …tring……HELLOOOOOO
“Alya Ashok? Tari cycle nu kaam padyu che la? Ek Gaay ne mukva javu che? Accident thayo che ahiya Sardar patel ring road par….”
“atyare?.....atyare nai mel pade Amar saaheb”
“tara bapa ni taal….magaj ni maa na parnis….ahiya lai ne aay cycle..Samarpan complex paase ubho chhu”
“kharekhar kahu chu be….puncture che pacchal na tyre ma”..
“tu puncture vaali lai ne aay…CH*DU na ramadis”…
“shu heran kare che la?”
“bhala maanas aay ne…nahitar pagaar kaapvo padse mare..”

Time: 2:20 am (IST), 6th August.
Ashok and his tempo cycle were with us within 10mins. He's working in Amar’s factory as a delivery guy. Thank god he saved his job ;):D. I was glad that at least we had something to go with and I was all set to – even if it needed very large scale efforts.
But - “God helps to those who help to themselves”. Automobile tempo came along with Mashabhai. Mashabhai one of the RABAARIs, staying in Bopal owning 4-5 Cows and 3 Buffalos. We inquired if this was 1 of 4-5 – but he said NO. Mashabhai came to help us on single call to him at home by Raju(one of among the crowd). HATS UP to him!!
Me and Amar said ALVIDA with humble thanks to Ashok and started to think about how to put cow in tempo.

Time: 2:35 am (IST), 6th August.
7 people and still it took tremendously huge effort to mount COW in 1 by 2 meter place on tempo. It was indeed not easy task to climb COW up. We even failed twice in between but on 3rd shot we did it. Hands got red along with clothes – Blood of COW.
I had immense respite that we’ll make it now within 20-30 minutes to an end!

Disappointing part was - We hit with many fucking monsters again at each step: ALL the friends who suddenly got problem with their transport vehicles, a moron sleeping drunk at flower godown, all truck drivers along with drunken guy who stopped and did not help. But as I said – I mostly wanted to KILL one FUCKING MONSTER among them who said “marne do na usko…tumhare baap ka kya jaata he?”

To be continued as “FINALLY - WE DID IT”

HUMAN Monsters ...

I along with few finest people did it. We just got it done that day. But this post is not about me(we) – It’s about OTHERS whom I regard as HUMAN MONSTERS.

05th August, Bopal - 11:30 PM.
“……..Will sit late tomorrow” was the last I heard from Bhavin, when we were closing our shop. 17 hours work and Bhavin can’t stand anymore. Morning 7:00 am to night 11:00 pm – it sounded fair to me. Bhavin was drowsy after 17hours of work.

CLOSE – LOCK – FZ – START – 1...2...3...4……5th GEAR - we are on the way now. Bhavin sitting back of me, was hoping to reach home by 11:20 and devil’s sleep. BUT……………
A crowd came into picture as of 200 meters distance and I was curious to dig about it from closer. Normally crowd gathers when some accident takes place – I thought. And that’s it. I caught it precisely correct. I went closer to crowd and I could see COW lying on ground – needless to say most HOLY animal of Hindu religion. First thought – IS COW DEAD? When I was few steps away I could hear whisper: “COW is breathing”, “Did anyone call doctor?” what’s municipality number?”, “Ketan, give me ANIMAL helpline number”.

My first and most brainless question: what happened? (If wildest guess had been an ACCIDENT and it would have been true)
AMAR (guy among crowd): Don’t you see it? A motherfucker retarded drunk truck driver knock the cow down.

I preferred to be silent for a while and started observing cow which was brutally hit.

“Cow was in senselessly lying in her own blood spat around. Palm was injured and plenty of bleeding was visible out of it. It got me sharper blow when I saw that her rear left leg was two parts – although attached. Agony of pain and still lying there calmly was a bit mystery. May be it was because of unconsciousness. However, Eyes were wide open and could see serene suffering which cow never revealed with blow to anyone standing there or may be she was not able to. More than people standing as crowd, were the dogs around sniffing and getting ready to attack that helpless cow. Periodically any one of crowd kept throwing stone to keep them away from cow.”

An insane man from crowd lifted his broken leg to show other boy that bone is busted and I immediately gave him the best word I could : ”You @#$%%$#%&^………….. If you can’t feel her pain, don’t reveal it to others. Better get out from here.” Amar also slapped harsh words on him along with me. One by one few of around followed me and Amar, and that Guy was out of that crowd in no time.
“Thank God” I said. I don’t want beast or monsters – I want humans at once.

Now toughest work was to do. Tasks (in better term –Duties) which I(we) as human being had to perform.
1) Search for Doctor (I was not sure of called up doctor. I had to look for more doctors)
2) Search for one Tempo or any other vehicle which can carry cow to PANJARAPOL (its place where they keep animals under treatment especially Cows).
3) Count no. of positive people which can lift cow to tempo and can assist till accomplishment.

Needless to say 3rd task was the toughest one. You can have enormous advisers in such time rather than helpers. So were here also.
Some said “Cow cant live more than 4 hours…..cow is hit from inside and we cant help…..cow is old(fucking blind)…..why do cow rambles around on highway? - and it kept going on...................” I was already out of my freak hearing all these crap AND - Bhavin also came out as one of them(I came to know the same day).
“Cow should be moved aside and let her be there for night. Tomorrow morning Municipality people will come and collect her.” - said Bhavin.
“You can start walking home (14 Km only), I wont leave COW here. By the way, you are very loyal to all dogs around I think. Get one or 2 among them too.” – sounded THE ANSWER; so did I retort.

I started dialing number of numbers for Animal help (unknowingly Amar had already tried all of them). “Doctor is not there….I cant give his number….bring cow in morning…..call this helpline number….call municipality…..Switch off…..Ringing…..” – All were responses I collected for ~9 numbers I tried asking for aid.

“Hey, I already have called one Private Doctor and he’s on the way. U relax for now.” said Amar.
“How much time it will take him to be here? Which area is he coming from?”
“We sent a car to pick him up”
“Whaaaaaaat? Car to pick up doctor?”
“hmmm. I tried 5 more numbers than you tried, but didn’t get anyone. Finally a doctor was ready but needed someone to pick him up.”
“But to pick him up – A CAR? “
“I asked to send boy on Bike but he refused….kya fark padta he? We need doctor…fir who CAR me aaye ya BIKE pe… ” said Amar.
It sounded logical. Something in anyway is always better than Nothing.
“He must have talked about fees. What’s his fess?”
“1200 Rs….but that’s alright I will handle it.”
“Money does not matter but what matters is - 1200 Rs. to see one cow?”
“He’s private doctor. Kya fark padta he? You have to choose Cow or 1200 Rs. I have chosen Cow.”

I was really impressed with Amar’s words. This was one of the best lessons in my life - If you choose something choose it till end.

Doctor was there in ~20 minutes after our conversation. In between, I and other two kind fellows(waiters from HAVMORE) got water for cow, but it was of no use. We sprinkled and tried if cow drinks it, but cow was unable to raise her mouth even. It didn’t seem good idea to force anything on COW.
Instantly doctor checked cow’s situation and got pain killer injection out of kit. One more sharper blow on COW and Pain killer was in. “CORONA “ointment and few cotton gauze rollers for dressing toe of cow and it's done. Doctor can not repair her wrecked leg instantly;that was obvious. Cow needs hospital which was 20 KM from the place the cow was lying on.

“Though I had tiny relief that pain will fly away within few minutes and cow will start fighting back to her misery. Thanks to 1200 Rs. and my best honor to Amar.”

On same instance,I kept asking myself - Are humans not eradicating and monsters rising everywhere? Doctors, who did not respond, did not pick up calls and fucking replies of Animal help lines, discouraging and hopeless suggestions from crowd. People who went by and did not bother to look at poor animal or those who looked at and never stopped– are they humans? What if this accident occurs to their children or families - Would they expect NO HELP from others? Would Bhavin have left her Girlfriend here if she had been with an accident? Would that nauseating act of fellow of showing broken leg to his friend without sense of pain, be tolerated if had been himself instead of cow? “A doctor can not come without CAR”- that was the strangest part. Though he helped us, I could not digest it. 12 minutes and 1200 Rs in hand. Was it fair?
Why can’t they be simply humans? If they don’t feel – how do they live? – I call them HUMAN MONSTERS. Sad part is – there are countless HUMAN MONSTERS all over. It’s quite apt to chop off HUMAN word and label them – FUCKING MONSTERS.

To be continued as HUMAN MONSTERS - II..............

Once Upon Time in __________

8:27 am in morning and I am 3 minutes away from my cabin. The day I started working as Project lead, my timings have been changed to give a chair first touch of my ASS and the last touch of the day(that allow my chair to breathe out of my ASS :)) ). Well, it’s not because I always find loads of work as lead, it’s just I need some more time to surf ;) :P .

“Champa and Chameli are friends now”…..“Pussy cat and Mini meow shared a link”……“Mallika was tagged in the album”……“ X commented on Y’ status”….. This is all I start my day with on FACEBOOK. Every morning I have immense zeal to check my FACEBOOK updates more than my Official mails in the office. I don’t know how and why I can’t resist myself from punking into friends and their girlfriend’s status messages + comments on each of them + comments on comments to make it chain of comments, smart and sexy videos shared across single link, daily fortune cookie, lucky numbers/colors, new photos on albums + comments + comment multiplied by comments, Farm ville, CHESS championship, cricket, pool and games over games – etc. etc. etc. One never misses chance to show off, to exhibit their most natural and drastic talent of commenting on daily updates of friends. So do I. FACEBOOK has evolved generation into single click – yes, one click and you are into the Matrix of friends, colleagues, girls, activity partners etc – everyone you want to be in contact with. There is endless to write about incredible though highly interactive work of Mark Elliot Zuckerberg (I am sure more than 95% of people who are using FACEBOOK accounts doesn’t even know the GOD of FACEBOOK. Well they even don’t need to, bcoz that was not the aim behind creation of FACEBOOK :)). Well, But the fact is this blog is not about FACEBOOK, It’s about ORKUT.

Once upon a time in NIT, when I started with my first ever(I have 3 accounts on ORKUT) account on ORKUT. It was the first website I used as Social network for friendship and a community hub in last year of college coming out of Yahoo chat, mail etc. Last semester and we had to submit project at EOS (end of semester). It used to be more on lab during that semester with expectations of coming out with great deal of work on project we handed on. But – the day we came to know they’re internet access terminals, we banged on it. Software Engineers and Internet– together it sounds like FAAFADA AND JALEBI (cant thought of them separately ;)). I started scribbling on my ORKUT account about my profile with lots of stylist framing of words and with facts which never were facts about me ;) :D . I chose best of my snaps to put it on ORKUT profile photo. I initiated connecting on ORKUT from college mates. I started making friends an ORKUT friends(This was really strange that friends became ORKUT friends now). One part of being glad was - even if we all gonna go in any corner of World after placements of college, we all going to be 1 in All and All in 1. ORKUT gave smile to all pals who never wanted to drop contacts apiece.

Sooner or Later as it was expected new community was shaped – Nirma University. Everyone started joining it and sooner the count of members reached above than expected. NIRMA was divided into more sub communities (actually they were separate communities) – NIRMA COMPUTERS, NIRMA CRICKET, NIRMA ELECTRONICS, NIRMA MECHANICAL etc etc etc. Today – it reached to 2325 members of the NIRMA UNIVERISTY and I keep thinking do I know them all? NO – but All I know is - I can know them anytime.
Well this was the era of ORKUT. Not only college friends, it went across a huge network across the globe. Everyone started jumping on ORKUT leaving their other networking tools. It went on and on with unstoppable force. I even have seen Cyber cafés being full of 20 people and 19 are playing on ORKUT. Even mobiles starts with ORKUT and end with it. Every day thousands and thousands people got connected via or in better words WITH ORKUT and number went on in Millions in short term. OLD friends, new friends, sweet friends, sexy friends, cool friends, hot friends, cousins, niece, nephew, uncle, aunt, teachers, students, businessmen, doctors, patients, activity partners, dating people, love funters and sex hunters, girlfriends, boyfriends, prostitution, gays, Lesbos, crime monsters. EVERYONE YOU COUNT ON WAS ON ORKUT - EVERYONE. Honestly speaking I found my more than ~80 friends whom I lost my contacts with after schooling in 4th and were my best pals. You can run, you can hide but you can’t escape ORKUT ;) :D

Everyone was connected with single link. More and more people were getting in and in and in - now being part of this Matrix (I don’t know why I keep using this word, but ORKUT world reminds me MATRIX - A Computerized software system which is replacing real humans with their profiles and their emotions with Smilies ( :) ) and Winkies ( ;) ). They are not real, but seem no lesser than real.).

However - anything which starts with bang must find a way to end or to fade away. Now change was inevitable. Things have to change – one way or other way. People always seeks for better, newer, safer and innovation. In mere words - FACEBOOK is IN and ORKUT is dropping its RK. I guess, now viewers can fill in the blank of my Blog title.

I was quite surprised to see the news in the headlines few days back about the deal of Microsoft with the social networking site FACE BOOK ( http://vista.blorge.com/2010/02/06/microsoft-and-facebook-forge-new-bing-deal-on-search-and-advertising/ ). FACEBOOK is a 3 and a half year old social network. Microsoft’s entry into the social networking venue has raised quite a many eyebrows over the fact that “Microsoft paid $240 million price for 1.6% stake in Face book. This clears the view, world’s largest software maker, crudely wanted to deepen its relationship with a startup that didn’t have $200 million in annual revenue”

I did look around for the reason as to why Microsoft prefer FACEBOOK over ORKUT and was surprised to see that FACEBOOK users are more than the number of ORKUT users. The main reasons for users liking FACEBOOK what I could find were:
 From an overall cosmetic and customization point of view, FACEBOOK is a much more professional looking whereas ORKUT looks somewhat unfinished.
 FACEBOOK's Mini Feed feature is useful in seeing a quick snapshot on the latest happenings within your network.
 The ease at which you can customize layouts within FACEBOOK, especially the drag and drop option.
 The ability to supply how you know a person (through school, other friends, work, randomly, etc...). This is especially interesting when you and one your contacts know the same person, but through different ways.

The only reasons why users like ORKUT were:
 The only point where people seemed to love ORKUT was – it’s easier to find old friends and colleagues as compared to FACEBOOK. The only drawback of FACEBOOK was that in the resistance of a beginner to join in for the first time.
 I like how you can see the number of times your profile has been viewed with ORKUT.
 Integration of Google chats.
 Ease of creating communities and groups even they are repeated and create your own world.

I have loved ORKUT ever since I joined it and I liked FACEBOOK too. But FACEBOOK still hasn’t impressed me to the point to digest the fact that Microsoft has ploughed in $240 million.
Well, I think I will say ALVIDA to ORKUT very soon. But what will remain forever is - “ONCE UPON TIME IN ORKUT”.

Extreme enjoyment at Extreme times...

It's really easy to enjoy part of blissful life which life itself offers us to do - Everyone experiences moments in life when they are overjoyed – But that’s not all. I sometimes can’t enjoy or merely enjoy where others can fairly enjoy what life has offered. I kept asking "why" to myself and I got the answer: Extreme enjoyment @Extreme last month – a new definition of enjoyment.
I would never have known Extreme enjoyment @Extreme if would have acted wise - to tell you the fact.

Why not to start with 16 JULY, Bopal Highway, 11:55 pm ?
Normally we close our shop at Bopal at 12:15am, but as it was raining past 2 hours, could not find any customer lately and were sitting idle for more than 2 hours. Rain always has been my companion in happiness. I LOVE RAIN – just damn love it to ride on my bike in rain. It takes ~20 mins to reach home from Bopal at night driving on 60-70 KM/hour. But as it was raining I felt it safer to drive on 25 to 30 that said minimum 1 hour to reach home. When I started from BOPAL, it was fun with initial drops of rain. As I reached on highway,climate went damn horror. Rain on highway was torrential and it was too with FURIOUS wind. I had to drive slow as rain was bluntly slapping across my face(I DON’T WEAR HELMET – IT’S MY STYLE ;)). I preferred to stop for a while till Rain goes calm. I stopped bike and started enjoying rain on BOPAL Highway Bridge, but this Rain was unstoppable with relentless wind. I felt chilling from within (normally it never occurs to me in rain). I hardly miss any rain in monsoon still never felt cold in past; but that day freezing wind was culprit I believe. From nowhere I started shivering and cold started showing me it's correct nature from inside.I had no option than to kick my bike (Oops sorry – FZ doesn’t have kick :D). My frosty body started suffering when did drive across the rain. I was not knowing whether I was enjoying it or not, but suddenly Rain seemed to me challenging(I normally talk to my friends that I love challenges like SRK of MOHABATTEN but suddenly I realized “kitne gappe marta hun me?” ;) :D :D ). If I can get somewhere KEETLI where I can be warmed with hot coffee. But, mere CHACHA honge raat ko 12:15 baje? Aur who bhi - on highway in such rain to sell coffee worth 5 Rs?

I had no other option than seeking for Restaurant/Dhaaba and get some hot soup to kill this shivering. I knew was – after 5-7 Km, one Restaurant is there but wasn't sure if it's open for night. I had to collect all my energy,Positive thinking and confidence to reach there(had no choice other than these ideals which normally I speak about in interviews to impress interviewer or may be to fool them ;):D). 5-7 KM never seemed this long since I had my FZ, but today it was “OHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDD”. But as I said I had no choice, so I was ready to fight with rain once again. I could only think on that time how would SAILOR do it in sea with no hint of direction and only ship as his companion(I saluted them by heart). If I can’t stand this much rain, how would I stand against those people(you better don't even imagine). But as I said culprit was bone breaker Wind. I was shivering like hell (HAD HAPPENED WHEN I HAD MALERIA IN COLLEGE 1ST YEAR).

I was driving and suddenly picture came across my mind “Mom to me: Varsaad ma paladava na jais. Maando padis. Aava varsaad ma na rakhdis. Hey Bhagvaan mare aane shu kahevu? etc etc.
I also recalled my responses “mummy tu taru kaam kar. Aaj sudhi maando padyo chhhu to have padis? Tari jem ghar ma besi ne enjoy karta nathi aavadatu mane…..” Nd now I was out of home enjoyment seeking for inside of home enjoyment. I started cursing my past responses to Mom, but that was not enough as I said.

~4 KM more to go. So this wasn't enough, god again pinched my heart. I saw a Girl along with her friend cum boyfriend (normally girls says he’s just a friend now – we have broke up etc. and people finds them doing their post break-up duties ;D) going on Splendor bike,sitting AIR TIGHT and enjoying warm of each other in this icy rain.(F*&k off my FZ which cant buy me girl at such golden time :( ;D :D ).

I kept moving at speed of max 22 km/h. Lots of memories were scratching my mind. Situation reminded me the day I dropped “Khushi”(my schooling friend) to her home in such rain and how I pretended that time being the most vicious guy never hit by cold(normally I show off my strength and I had “to Pretend” as my strength on that time).She and her mom(Jagruti aunty) offered me coffee that time and how ignorantly I denied to just show off that I was hot guy.(Ohhhhhh aunty, I AM SORRY yar. Get me some coffee this time). It’s human nature (at least mine) that whenever we get into gigantic trouble and there is rare way to get out, we starts regretting about wrong deeds to god. I too said sorry to god for rejecting that coffee 4-5 years ago.

I knew was – Mom will definitely call me when I am later than 12:45. I could not receive the call in the rain and thought of calling her back once I reach restaurant. Normally I never care to call back to mom, but today dont know why :(.

~3 Km to go. Now what? Nothing - keep fighting, keep moving and keep thinking. I recalled when I used to eat garama garam DAALWADA in rain. I recalled when I did not have bike and still used to enjoy by walking in rain with my friends Dixit and Archan. I remembered the school time when in such heavy rain, my mom used to come to receive me with single UMBRELLA. I recalled the day when I used to play cricket in such rain with BAKA KAKA in vijaynagar ground. I remembered my OLD home when even on denial of my mom I used to go to terrace. I remembered…………I remembered……I remembered…….

~2 Km to go. I could feel darkness today. It was dreadful. Lightning cracking and kept scaring me (chhote bacche ki jaan lega kya?). I kept moving thinking about GOD who has enormous power of nature which I had just a tiny glimpse of. I realized that it is just a 7 Km - I am not able to cross, how if God had put 50 KM? This gave me slice of positive thinking which I almost had lost.

~1Km to go. Turning point. Again it’s nature of human body when destination/target is about to accomplished, blood starts moving faster in veins. I was waiting for my triumph which I only know how I conquered. All thoughts went dead when I could see some light of restaurant far on highway. Flashback disappeared."Who Mom? Who God? Who Khushi? Who Aunty? Who Baka kaaka and who the f*&k are Archan/Dixit? (BHAAD me gaye sab ;D :D)." I suddenly and abruptly moved concentration to my goal – Soup which is more or less equal to LIFE at this time. I already was counting on “which soup? Which soup?” …"Hot and sour" I ended with – as I needed to get out of cold.

I am reaching closer to it, more closer to it and - more and more closer to it. Ecstasy is at highest level to achieve single cup of Soup. One and only 1 concentration. World was blind to me and I was blind to see it. I can see my destination and even if GOD comes across now, I was ready to fight. I increased speed to 25..27..30..35..40…45..50….and THREE WORDS are open….
I MADE IT……………
Reaching there I realized the grand truth of Extreme Enjoyment. I felt, I in real meaning had achieved something. I went in without any permission or notification and asked for SOUP to waiter. Waiter exhibited merciful gesture towards me when i was shivering.I was poor fellow to him. I was waiting for SOUP the way captain waits for World Cup after winning final match.

But God had written something else in Luck if Luck exists. I had to fight with my luck now.
WAITER: Sorry sir, Kitchen is close now. U want some snack?
JESS: (In mind)Teri maa ki…$%@#@....$#$^@#@....7&^&%^&%^……..%$%^%@........65^%^$#@#@...

Extreme Enjoyment @ Extreme starts now!!
I had chosen something vigorously and that something didn't choose me. This was the point I had to go MAD and CRAZIEST i never have been like. I can’t afford this. I never even had thought of this. I just can’t stand it. I had to answer my luck – that “F*&K YOU”!! I don’t know why I did this but I had to do it bcoz if my Luck chucked me down, I also had to show that I am the F*&ker of Chuckers.
“Waiter …… Can you get me 2 ICE Cream? CHILLL and ICY? … ya uske liye bhi kitchen kholana padega?? ”
Within 3 minutes, ICE CREAMs WAS ON MY TABLE. Waiter was staring at me but I ignored him. I was sure he looked me as “ALIGADH GUY”. But as I said “I CANT STAND IT”. I had 2 ice-creams out of chilled freeze. I also asked for Chilled Coke. I had it with the utmost proud and indivisible attitude.With each spoon of ICE-CREAM, I sensed of showing my BIG MAN(Middle finger) to my luck. I can’t describe in words what this enjoyment was. My heart knows this madness was something I never enjoyed before. I found answer to question that - why MAD/CRAZZY/PAAGAL people are the happiest people in the world. This madness was my life time achievement award - I must commit. I called it as EXTREME ENJOYMENT @EXTREME which was not offered by life - but i created and enjoyed it.
That day I came back home with most powerful memory of my life which gave me triumph on my life with knowing the concept of “Extreme Enjoyment at Extreme”. I din’t take shower with warm water. Just went in my bed-room, took towel, threw it and I don’t remember when I was already sleeping.
Needless to say- I was ILL for 2 days later on

I loved Call Girl

Isn’t it interesting title? Those who agree can continue and those who doesn’t strictly leave right at this word – because this gonna be really interesting journey for those who finds interest in mature talk.

Recently I was sitting on my business with my partner who’s married since 7 years. Normally late night we got customers for CONDOMs at our medical (I have my medical shop and that’s what my business is apart from my job). We were about to close the shop and from nowhere a lady came.

Bhavin (my business partner): Yes please.
Lady: CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE ME A CONDOM?

I almost was about to say WHATTTTTTTT?. I have seen it few movies (namely I could remember KHWAHIS) where Lady goes to buy CONDOM but never occurred to me in real life. I was dumb and thoughtless that time. I just let Bhavin to handle that customer. She asked for few flavors and Bhavin chatted with her about quality of different brands. Finally she went away with ManForce chocolate flavored condoms(this is the latest flavor for those who doesn’t have idea about it). This is where our talk on my love started which I never thought would be published version of blog.

I simply asked: “Isn’t she dare girl? “
Bhavin: Yes she is. But, she’s call girl as well.
I said...whoever she is - I JUST LOVED HER (Don’t know for what reason, I just love anything I see new, strange or different).

I have been always open thinker about SEX and anything pertaining to this topic. I love talking about it, I love thinking about it and I am loving writing about it.

Our chitchat continued….....
Bhavin: There’s nothing to love her about. But there’s lot to sex her about. She is dirty girl – so stop thinking about her.

This is where I lost my mind. If she slept with few guys (I don’t know its true or not) for any reason that may be she’s helpless or may be she’s doing it for her personal ENJOYMENT - SHE IS DIRTY and you(BHAVIN) who enjoyed with lots of girls in college playing with their emotions - is civilized and cultured sophisticate guy. Isn’t it NOT FAIR?. It’s this society who has made it this way. Girls are highly vulnerable to SEX. If Girl makes sex with any guy- she is BITCH / Prostitute and Boys do it – they are 100% MEN.WHAT the F*&K is THIS?.

Moreover - There are lots of things about SEX which our society thinks as Dirty, shameful and Taboo – that people of this society embarrassed to do it(I don’t know how many of you feels disgust while reading this if you are also product of this society).

Bhavin: They don’t embarrass to do it, but for them they consider it as private interacting and for some it’s sacred part of Relationship.
JESS: Bullshit. Lack of privacy does not equal to SANCTITY. Most of our worst doings are taken in private and we normally save our only best behavior for public display. Isn’t it true? And she did ask for Condom in open - that is not fair enough for you.
Bhavin: But, there should be some set of limit when it comes to sexuality in this society. And this call girl is doing it for what? Money or fun? Do u even know that?
JESS: I don’t think sadder than “Man/Woman feeling they’d like to experience something” and hold back because they think, what they’ve dreamt of, fantasized about would violate “Limitations of society”. I believe is that lady did it even if it for fun, it’s out of this society’s product environment. She has her own way to say “F#&K OFF” to society, she doesn’t care.
Bhavin: Your society is not product of you; you are product of your society.
JESS: Wrong. Fact is - I don’t want to be product of my Society; I want society to be product of me. (Anyone remembered DEPARTED?)
Bhavin: you can’t.
JESS: May be – But I love those who are now for some reason not product of this society and that’s why I loved that Lady.
Bhavin: You are getting mad for no reason for her.
JESS: Okay, I have one question- how many girls you had sex with in your life?
Bhavin: say 15-20 girls, so what?
JESS:Still you are respectable guy of your society just because what you did is either known to you and me OR those foolish girls who you were with.
Bhavin: Are you comparing me with her?
JESS: No. Actually there’s no comparison  - she is doing what she is not ashamed of at least.

NEW Customer (male): 1 KAMASUTRA LONG LASTING Milega?

This is where we ended up with our conversation abruptly. I don’t know I made right comments or Arguments in better words or not. But I argued for what I believe. There might be and must be more/most people opposing my disagreements – but that should not change my opinion and will not......

THRILL of life - Get busy living or Get busy dying...

After a long time I get time from hectic (enjoyable though) schedule to write about which I thought of long back. It’s about a time when I first time saw a movie “Shawshank Redeemption” and heard a single statement which came out as title of this blog – “Get busy living or Get busy dying”.
This is about you, me and everyone who have joined some organization recently/few years back, leaving the comfort of your homes (or in some cases discomfort), to become something in your life. I am sure it feels boring to some fellows and for others it has been exciting to move towards achieving goals.

But Question to those who are excited towards goals is – forever? Till the end of life??

There is always a time in life when person is truly overjoyed – THRILLED in better words. U say it first day in new school/college or Organization - when you were getting ready, you felt ecstasy in your heart. Hell lot of Curiosity about new things coming a ways and enliven to unfold folded things. It’s thrill which I call as THE THRILL within we all that makes us feel truly ALIVE every day. To ask you is – how will you keep this THRILL shining? Or to put it another way, how to be happy most - if not all the time?

Where do these THRILL comes from? I think we all born with THRILL in us. Little children have a million THRILLS when little chocolate or toy can make them jump. They get THRILLS from creaky swings in the park. They do a daily countdown for birthday party – several months in advance – just for the day they will cut their own birthday cake.People running here and there for daily bread and I can see is only “THRILLS” keeping them feel alive.

But when I see older people, the THRILL is difficult to find. Recently I went to barber shop where I met one OLDER man who almost had experience of ~70-75 years life. It pinched my heart when I could not see this THRILL in that DUDE. I could hear from him that “he has lived enough and now he was ready to fly away leaving beautiful life gifted by GOD”. That said – now he does not love his life. In-fact as we age, the THRILL fades. People whose THRILL has faded too much are dull, dejected, aimless and bitter.

I did not get chance to ask why his THRILL is lost to that OLD guy, but I could only say him “You have not completed century Sir-ji”. Intentionally I used word: Sir-ji – I must mention. This was all I could do on that moment. It also reminded me Kareena in Jab we Met - in the first half vs the second half. That is what happens when the THRILL is lost. Instantly I asked myself if it will happen to me also. How would I save my THRILL? And all I come out with finest answers to this biggest question of my/your/everyone’s life.

Answer:
THRILL is like open FLAME. You have to feed it continuously and you have to guard against storms. To feed – we all have to have goals/never ending hope/unbreakable spirit. Try for it; try for it until you have it. However, never keep your goal to achieve something rather always have goal to do better every time u put new try. It is human nature when he gives try and cannot achieve fruitful out of it, he gets tired and fears to put new try again – but they normally forget is the point where they feel tired, they are losing their THRILL; they are cutting down their THRILL and why to do that?Just because they are tired? I used word Unbreakable SPIRIT – nobody born with it, It’s we who can nurture this SPIRIT. It’s our positive thinking; it’s our attitude that can change it. Few years back I got one SMS which is more worthy than you expect it to be: “If you want to achieve something which u never had, you have to do SOMETHING you never did”. This SOMETHING is nothing but giving a new try which u never did in past. NEW that said Complete NEW.

Success is to put a new try, strive, improve and achieve next level. Success is not Company paying you 7 lac per annum, neither its buying car nor house. Do you really believe buying Bungalows/Car/7 lac package is the purpose of life? If that was the case, Bill gates won't be working hard to make a better Windows, as he already have billions and billions of dollars. Neither Shahrukh nor Aamir would be working to get new challenging roles. Why do they do it? What makes them come to work everyday? They do it because it makes them feel ALIVE and they do not want to lose THRILL of life. They want to be busy in being ALIVE not being NON-LIVING. Just getting better from current levels feels good. You already know that you cannot become Tendulkar still you play cricket to achieve next level of expertise. Striving for that next level is most, most and super most important. Goal is to achieve next level in career, academic or any activity u take on hand – in short.

One more thing about feeding THE THRILL - don't take life seriously. I learned this from one Yoga Guru. When I used to go Gym 6 months back, my yoga teacher used to make students laugh during classes using dirty jokes(Non-veg jokes in better word ;)). One student asked her if these dirty jokes would take away something from the yoga practice. The teacher said - don't be serious,All you want to achieve from Yoga in the end is happiness and that's what my jokes are doing.

Normally people take it on serious track, when somebody criticizes their creation. My closest friend named Deepen (Don’t open your eyes wide Deepen if you are reading ;) :P), normally criticize or gets angry when I do not play TT well. He neither likes my service nor the way I copy/adopt other’s playing style. But will that anger or criticism break my spirit of enjoying TT? No – never. This criticism will not/must not blow my THRILL up. As I said may be I cannot be Deepen(Tendulkar) but I will reach my next level.

Eventually - It’s common human nature of not able to see good going of others (not talking about you Deepen – Relax, if you are reading :P). Today I write something, they will like it but they will also get jealous how I couldn’t write such things. They will start making criticism to overcome their jealousy (to strive for better criticism is also common human nature now a days :P :D ;) ). Some will say it’s copied from somewhere – he cannot write this and I will Question myself – did I really write that bad? I will be serious losing my THRILL and will write better but again I will have is Criticism. Normally we get dual opinions on our actions (it’s about all activities we do – Drawing, joking, writing, daily fun-masti, Work at office or anything). There is plenty of praise; there is intense criticism as well. My/Your BOSS will clap for good work and will condemn if we did it wrong. Be sincere towards your work but don’t hinder your spark by getting serious about it like “ohhhhh god my boss dint like it, what will happen in my appraisal?” – Damn f#&k it. If we will take it all seriously, how will we move forward? Or rather, how will we live? Where is our personal enjoyment? Life is never meant to be taken seriously. Life is very short if u really can see it. Start countdown Nowwwwwww. Get busy living or get busy dying. Final call is - BE HAPPY GO PERSON for all time.

Inspired from Chetan Bhagat's speech: jESS.

To be continued in Next Blog….