Eternal spark of Pie …..

“How do you win pleasure in having sex with same woman every night, every week or month?” - was the way I (jESS) started my urging arguments last week with JASULAAL.

At the moment I am jazzing jESS(24 years old) but after 11 years I perhaps will be entitled as great JASULAAL (married for 10 years – my anticipated future at early 40s having 2 kids). We went though interesting dialogue past night – could be THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT of my first point of thinking over SEX which rendered me this post.

Question I asked to JASULAAL murmured quite times during past 2-3 years. I asked same to my roommates in pune 2 years back, I also asked it to few outspoken girls – but responses I collected from JASULAAL were Vital and may be imperatively constructive for rest of life. So I posted it on my wall forever – you may/may not need call for them in future.

“There’s lot you have to learn on post marriage life. U can learn only when u marry” I (JASULAAL) responded.

He tried to avoid because as a rule I talk very filthy and rubbish with arguments which hardly some1 can stand to, when it comes to SEX – but as I (jESS) had good hold this time, it continued.

“If I don’t marry ? Your marriage date is 15/11/2011. 10 years and 5 months and you still carry different MANFORCE Flavors every week which keeps irritating me how you could follow sex with same woman every week? Bit direct question – but don’t you get tired of her or bored of routine you follow in bed-room since about ~350 weeks? ” - I retorted to JASULAAL.

“You can be good manager of your salary paying company in future but you can’t be good manager of life if you don’t marry and keep innovating interest towards wife to protect beauty of relationship and spark of sex life alive.” – Low though convincing voice I heard from JASULAAL.

jESS: “Ohh God,not again. Anyways, let’s regard as – I will marry. Now you can lecture me on post-marriage SEXANAND secrets or tricks if u have ;):D”

JASULAAL: Simple logic – If you have RICE with you and you have to eat it for 15 days, u should/will try KHICHDI, JIRA RICE, PULAO, BIRYANI or something which ends it as innovative dish. Because every human needs a variation in every aspects of life and that’s where your exceedingly talented question came up from. No one wants to follow repetition in bed forever –neither do I nor does my wife. Everyone wants NEW including you, he, she, it, Lesbos and Gays. But Marriage is more than you ever can think of and what I know about you is: You are running away from marriage – so we won’t discuss on marriage anyways.”

“Wait. Marriage is not I’m running away from. I just am hesitant of getting married with single girl and spending whole life sleeping with her.” I spoke harshly.

“Sex is all you think of?” - answered by experience of 10 years.

“Habitually ;) :D :D. But point is – how to cultivate or nurture sex with same partner sturdily for years?” I reminded my straight question to JASULAAL.

JASULAAL: “There’s lot you can think of and do – to save your sex life till the day you are Efficient Enough even if she’s only THE ONE you have on bed for all years.”

"I am Efficient Enough these days- tell me now ;) : D: D“ – I spoke with utmost pride for my capability.

JASULAAL: “Okays – as I told you it just needs an innovation. Every time you do it, you and she should feel that you did something new.”

“Are you talking about different positions?” – just came into my mind from nowhere, so I asked.

JASULAAL: “Ha ha ha. You know lot about positions, isn’t it? But my answer is No. Positions may create side effects of muscular pains. Same positions, but different way to reach to them. Always remember – Destiny is hardly important, rather how much you enjoyed on the way to destiny is important. Do you know about Role play?”

“Yes, did lot of times in schools. But, how it’s pertinent to SEX?” – I queried.

“Human normally gets aroused seeing love making scene in movies or while reading erotic books – Agree? (U must – otherwise I will doubt on your physical/mental normality ;) :D ). If books or movie scene turns human on, imagine how much more effective it will be in real life. Think up which is your partner’s favorite movie love making scene and recreate it in your bed-room. You don’t necessarily have to get each and every detail right - work on your own part.” – My 10 years of high octane performance started to guide jESS.

jESS: “Good one. So I and her need to see lots of movies ;) :D. Anyways - got you. Next?”

“Always share dark chocolates before sex. In-fact your kiss should start with single chocolate sharing with lips. Keep your and hers tongue clean and have mint before you kiss. Always have effective foreplay and make her feel the magic of your fingers on her body. Play with her like child” – reminded me 1st KISS with chocolate with my wife.

“Go on…..” – I said to I after 11 years.

“Converse sexy, bit vulgar but humorous and bit romantic but lusty words before her. That’s a reason why phone sex is so popular in this generation. Words can indeed be an instant in effect. Ask your partner what she’s wearing and describe as sexily as you can and never be KANJUS even if you are not expressing truth of her to her. Talk about how you’d like to undress her. Tell her about your secret fantasy and get her to tell you hers and then discuss how you could indulge in it while in the bedroom.” – I said and thought jESS must know about this before he becomes me, so I continued and so does he (jESS).

“Something more please…..” I requested to JASULAAL.

“Always look at her eyes while undressing her. Make gestures of love even if you are up to hell lusty or horny about making it. Be gentle until she is ready for highest pleasure and when her response is at highest level make her feel earthquake ;) – may be he/she can make you feel the same way if she’s truly ready.” – I purvey jESS’s request considering he knows well “how to get response in”.

“Is this good enough? Or some more I can try before/during making it.” - I too wanted to continue…

“Of-course you can. This is quite FILMY to set it up but it works. Put out lights; opt for some perfumed candles and disperse petals of roses all over the bed and whatever else you think will work to make the more beautiful and delightful. For element of surprise, you can lead your partner into the bedroom with eyes covered. Or else Leave a note on TV remote that says “Turn me on instead” OR Leave direction in the forms of pieces of your clothing from the front door to your bedroom and Let her find you lying seductively on the bed and enjoy the action that follows.” – I suggested this even I was not sure weather jESS gonna try this, and continued with next one.

“One more but “Dil mange more” innovative idea – Don’t touch her by hands. It’s quite amazing how a simple touch can indeed arouse your partner. But instead of using your hands like you always do try to arouse her by using some other body part say - your lips rolling over her/his body. Unbutton her/him using your teeth instead of hands. Tell your partner it’s hands free night and be as innovative as you can and you will be surprised at how much he/she will love it.”

“then?....” said jESS.

“then what?.....Khichdi pak gai he, garma garma kha lo…nahi to thandi ho jayegi ;) :D…. go and indulge making it like street dogs….” I LOLed telling this to jESS.

“ha ha ha……Bhabhi must be indulging it with you same way JASULAAL ;) :D :D” I also sniggered silly at JASUBHAI.

“My Bhabhi(your future wife) also can make it with me if you wish to…. ;) :D” – after all I had 10 years of expo !!
jESS: “Topic change……………………………………..”

“Hey jESS, don’t miss to enjoy shower together in morning. Nothing is better than a couple having shower with perfumed soap after thundering night with earth-quaking SEX. Indulge Sex Pie and best of luck :)”

That’s it. I ended up with conversation to my future – but it was the most valuable dialogue we exchanged - I think. Weather I/you go for boat of LIVE IN or knot of MATRIMONY – everywhere it gonna help.

After all Eternal spark of sex pie should not die.....Isn’t it?

One more Nasty day of life ....

Well, just 1 week back 1nce again, I proved why people write on B’day – Have Blast!!

13 September 2010. 10:30 PM
“I screwed up my mind” when I dint want to make it to sustain my ASS constantly on chair working for General Motor project late night in office. Who would like to work late when subsequent to 2 hours it’s gonna start his/her b’day? I was totally concerned about partying with dudes catching up vodka and bears with biting up spice rather than satisfying Clients at US on GM project.

On same time, Colleagues came along and said “Let’s have dinner as we gotta work for some more time” and we were in Canteen by then. I was even not interested having dinner – was quite obvious (kaha Bear-Kurkure aur kaha Daal-chawal? ;) :D). Suddenly Clapping started and I could loudly hear “Happy b’day to you………………....dear jESS…Jassi…”. Just turned up and CHOCO Cake was ready for getting raped by 8-9 monsters around. Small cake cutting and then – Cake was creamed up on my shirt, my pant and my hunky face (those who’ve seen me, stop laughing ;)). I was looking like Army guy splitting up black zaps on face. Had b’day bums after cake cutting and lightest dinner with all mates. It was good open before it actually opened (hope it never occur to my marriage ;)). Honestly I dint anticipated this and that point of surprise I loved too much. Special Thanks to Rajat and Neeraj :)

13 September 2010, 11:49 PM.
10 Minutes +/- few seconds, were to go and I was gonna complete 24. This was the instance when It kept jumping my heart and waited for 10 minutes I hardly wait in a whole year for anything. Feeling ecstasy in stomach for each moment passing by and looking forward for nasty day to come along within PALS (moments) with lots of PALS (friends). I had not to be ready for bang – I already was and I always do. A spark which gonna keep me truly ALIVE for whole day – gonna fire it up in 10 minutes. It’s akin feeling that KID experiences while moving towards Chocolate when he spots it in hand of her Mom – the only difference was Chocolate itself was walking towards me today. Honestly I was counting down since a week for my b’day. I was really keen to have first kiss of my b’day – And to proudly say, she was not girl, it was my HAYWARDS 5000 tin.

Bang - It's 12:00 (AM/PM) - 14th September – 2010
Wooooooooooooooooooooo!! Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooom !!
Tins were already open before 2 minutes and bear was flowed up out of it all over the floor of shop. 7 horrible guys (Me, Bhavin, Sanjay, Kaa bhai, Parth, Amar and Dhawal) – I was certain that 12 bears and 1 vodka were not enough. One by one, each one started having pegs of vodka, some took direct and some took it with Sprite. Bhavin normally take it direct to boost up heavy kick of Alcohol, but he hardly can handle himself after torrential shower of vodka. Cake was ready again (but who cares for cake?), with Kurkure, Sing bhujiya(my favorite) and Mung daal. I started eating heavily with Haywards 5000 and 3 small pegs of Vodka. I knew I was jerked off by intoxication but party never gets over until all alcohol is poured out (from bottle) and poured in(to stomach). None was ready to leave single drop into tins and bottles. However - Needless to say cake was wasted more than half :)

Drunk cannot be said Drunk until he says “Mane chadi nathi”. Kaa bhai and Sanjay – when were out of their control, started saying –
“Bh***** saala Bhavin, aa vodka to chadati j nathi….kyathi mangavi che?”.
“Tame chhokri bani jav, pachi Vodka to shu kai pan chadi jase? :D :D :D" said Bhavin
"Vodka homosexual nathi Laagti: D: D: D” I replied.
"Gh***o..." said Sanjay and took one more bear on hand.

There were lots of vulgarities, non-veg baaten at extreme level, cursing up old girl friends and breakups, extra marital affairs wali aunties and all other “cheap harkate” which normally friends(boys) do talk about and do - we did which I won’t mention here in detail (muje sharm aa rahi he ;) :D).

Nevertheless - I sensed like I was truly “Bourne Ultimatum” again but in some other world. Thank you GOD ;) !! Apparently – I could not go home until I can re-member (smart use of word…right?) name of my DAD. Till the time me, Bhavin and Sanjaybhai moved to MAC-D on bikes – it was fun riding FZ in illusionary and crazy world where anytime if I miss my focus, gonna break my ASS along with Sanjaybhai’s. What a spinning Drive it was ;)! I am proud that I have good control over drinking. We sat at Mac-D with totally controlled version of us having minted mouth. I had already my mobile switched off – “NO SORRY” to those friends who tried to connect me after 12:00 for wishes ;)

It’s 02:30 AM - 14th September – 2010
I arrived home belatedly around 2:30 AM and slept on SOFA without speaking up single word (the way “CHUNHA gets into Hole without any Noticing act”). It’s really worth saying that I had BLAST like a BOMB outside and @home I ended up as “SURSURIYA” ;) :D

To be continued ….

DABAANG: Banging in Theatres!!

Friday - 10th of September, I heard about people strikingly booming in the theatres watching – Dabbang!! Being a biggest movie freak, couldn’t stop myself watching it ASAP. I saw (rather enjoyed at peak) it yesterday and here it is about fiercely, sternly and brilliantly executed “GOOD vs BAD” saga of CHULBUL PANDEY.
Lately I saw WANTED as powerful hit with hard hitting impacts and Now it’s DABAANG! Well to scribble it in short – DABAANG reveals STAR POWER of SALMAAN at highest the ways it has in WANTED. Some may/may not agree with me – but this 2:00 hours could never be what they are if SALMAAN KHAN is not starring it. There’s no doubt with this ultimate entertainer – SALMAAN supremacy is utterly intact as of AAMIR and SRK.

Plot (Those who have not seen can ignore Plot):
DABANGG is a story of Chulbul Pandey [Salman Khan], a LION king but corrupt police officer with unconventional styles of working with the criminals. Movie starts with 2 brothers Chulbul and Makhanchan[Arbaaz Khan] having bitter childhood. Chulbul’s father is no more and thus Makkhanchan is step brother, after his mother [Dimple Kapadia] married to Prajapati Pandey [Vinod Khanna].
Prajapati favors Makhanchan, which Chulbul simply does not like and go with. He decides to take work his way and separates himself from his step-father and brother. His only concerned for is his mother.
Rajo [Sonakshi Sinha], comes into his life accidently and he falls in love with him. Chulbul marries her and realizes the value of family, wanting back his father and brother. But Cheddi Singh [Sonu Sood] a cruel politician is against the way Chulbul works against his people and deceives money of him. This results into putting one brother (Makkhanchan) against the other (Chulbul).
When Makhanchan realizes he has been used, he turns to Chulbul and Chulbul takes on it to revenge SAGA!!

My view:
Frankly – such stories have been in Bollywood again and again in past and this is simply a repetition. What ultimately works for this 2:00 hours are - Immense dose of light moments which sticks to SALMAAN’s personality like a Glue, engineering action with South touch and one in ALL – SALMAAN throughout movie. In fact - movie collects highest points with Stylist Action with brilliant execution (hats up to S.Vijayan). Music is strictly Okays. Truly speaking – songs puts breaks to accelerated Roller costar ride during first half. However light punches on screen during songs are well picturized, works well and keeps smile on the faces. Soundtracks “Munni Badnaam hui” as well as “Tere Mast Mast Do Nain” have already good response at the music stands before release and they works on display too. Title track works as flashing blaze. First half of the movie simply introduces characters with outstanding screening and immense of humor. Background music scores at highest level especially during actions.
The second half is when story reveals itself and Revenge saga starts and ends with supremely. The climax is sure to send scores of action lovers in frenzy, as SALMAAN bashes the evil forces.

ON the flip side – This movie could have better effect with cutting down 1-3 songs. Excessive Editing is good to cut down movie, however at few instances it results into abrupt increase of speed.

Performances:
Salmaan Khan: Again and Again – SALMAAN is the MASS of the DABAANG. Salman is like a ferocious lion who roars with all his might. The show belongs to THE LION, who scorches the screen every time he displays the manic anger.He enacts ruling hand over attitude,humor and emotions at places too. This is his deadliest performance to date. Without doubt, Salman empowers DABAANG from all directions.
Sonakshi Sinha: She is good looking, well characterized and well talented as well. In short, her performance simply works well for this movie though it's little part against Salmaan.
Sonu sud: Sonu sud is excellent as Villain and performs his part with good marks.

Vinod Khanna and Arbaaz khan are okay with performances. Dimple Kapadia is good as SALMAAN’s mom and enacts effectively her part, though very short. Om Puri, Mahesh manjrekar and Anupam kher are wasted talents. They are outstanding actors but just don’t get scope. I must say - wrong choices for them.

Final Verdict:
This movie is the Jackpot for all the Diehard fans of Salmaan. Go – Laugh – Applaud - Clap – Whistle and jump for Salmaan!! Salmaan’s fan gonna get more than expectations for sure.

Ratings:
Movie is candidly about 3 / 5 – but Salmaan’s presence excellently lifts it to 4 / 5 

Finally we did it ...

Continued...

Lastly we're on the way to PANJARAPOL with Cow lying on backend of Tempo protected by 2 mates, tightly bound with rope against hold of tempo's sticks. Now we're enjoying trim trim of rain companioning our journey. Street dogs were ":(". Threesome on Amar's bike and I am with Bhavin on my one and only FZ. Mashabhai was driving tempo and 2 others in backyard of tempo to take care of cow. Now we are flying moody. Respite from lot of efforts - but still we had lot to see......

Time: 3:00 AM, Panjarapol.
Reached by PANJARAPOL within 15 minutes expecting optimum optimism from the situation we were into. God always seize you on trial again and again when you move towards noble cause - and each trial must to be fought for (I won't say "each exam must to be PASSED").

"I cannot help anyhow" was last sentence of watchman whom we woke up.

In fact - Watchman was sleeping when we already were IN PANJARAPOL without any permission. Waise bhi - "What the f#&k is permission?" thinks AMAR and I follow. I as well thought of the situation where if someone tries to stir me up at 3:00 o'clock - what could have been my response? But instantly I had to erase that thought - as I can't back off this time.

"O bhaiya...O bhaiya" grunted Amar, with high pitch voice.
"Ammmm...Uhmmmm..kon?" murmured the guy who took full ticket for sleeping and we cut it to half.
"ek gay ne mukvani che...accident thayo che" (hope you all read it as GAAY ;) :D)
"atyare naa mukay...panjarapol bandh thai jay che 11 vaage...kale lai ne aavjo"
"kaale mel na pade bhala maanas...atyare lai ne aavya chiye"
"rate tamane kya mukva dav?...chaavi nathi mari pase...khulli naa mukay gay nekutra heran karse"
"sodho ne chaavi mali jay to.."
"are yaar e pela saaheb lai jay chekale saware aavse...tame kale aavo...atyare kai nai thay"
"dekho bhai amara mathi koi ni aa Gaay nathi...bas rasta par ni gay che ane ame lai ne aaya chiye...ame aatli badhi help kari gay ne to tame thodi nai kari sako?"
"tamari vaat sachi che bhai pan mara haath ma kai nathi...jao tame have ungh naa kharab karso"

We cursed that guy and did not bother to shut the PANJARAPOL gate. We already had subsequent move to the next target.

Time: 3:20 AM, Animal Hospital, Near VS
Again..........
Closed was the gate of Hospital. It's quite obvious - we didn't go back seeing it closed.Biggest anticipations slapped all of us but how could we stand out of our efforts now?
We started dialing numbers on the board standing on gate of hospital.
"Tring.tring tring.tring tring.".We heard the ringing in hospital wards as it was serene calm night.
Nobody picked up the call; hence now it was time to show our talent. We saw 2-3 quarters inside the gate. We were sure of someone sleeping (most probably ;)) at this time inside. We shouted like street dogs more than 20 times if anyone was there to open gate bloted with iron chain passed through JALARAM locks.

"Leave yelling for help" said Amar and I already had climbed up the gate with small stick in my hand (In-case KUTTEs emerge from anywhere). So the others followed. This was about gonna go really interesting - I knew it. We all were IN, except Raju seeing the Cow outside. Now we're geared up for anything to face, knowing what we did involved towering risk and it may end up either with "Hit by people sleeping (most probably ;)) around" or "Police station ke Dande" - Firmly. But we were WE ;)

A truth is - "Sometimes we can answer to GOD but can't to our self if we run away from situation and don't try with our 100%. You are more nearer to yourself than GOD - believe it."

One by one - we all initiated careful steps towards quarters. We also had to be extra vigilant of doggies. Animal hospital and we can't find DOGs - seems Impractical - Isn't it? 2 dogs from nowhere smelled our ASS and came out suddenly barking at peak tone - Thank god we had sticks with us for protection.
"Normally man's Stick need protection (during Sex) but this time Stick was protecting man ;) :D :D "

"Wow wow wow wow" - They must be habituated of seeing nice street Bitches. - I thought.

Time for Fight!!
A Guy came out of quarter and I could see unzipped pant :(. Clearly I could guess what he was asleep after :D. He just had fought night battle with his wife(most probably) and now he was ready again for fight.

"Bh%$#^%^^.Bhe*&*&..Chu%^%^%"
"Dekho Bhaiya hum Chor nahi he..suno bhaiya..baat suno hamari"
"rate 3 vage lagan ma aaya cho tamara baapa na?"
"Dekho, Sirji - vaat saambhalo pahela..pachi gaalo dejo" Amar retorted.
"Su sambhalu tari vaat Bh#@#@?.. Bolavu chhu police ne.."

Amar opened wallet and showed him CARD and opponent was DUMB, the same instance.
I along with all others was also curious to see the CARD - but that waited for some time.

"Ek gaay no accident thayo cheene laine aavya chiyeahiya koi safe jagya par mukvani che"
"kya che Gaay?. Tame pahela kidhu hot to aa badhi babaal j naa karet..mane thayu ke" replied that guy with low voice now.
Amar was on way to get COW Inside without listening him. We also followed him. I asked that guy to unlock gate so we can move them IN and he followed me.

All were IN along with COW. We lifted COW again with tremendous efforts and landed her on safe place under roof. Mashabhai talked to that guy to get help in the morning by very first doctor in the hospital. I and Amar gave advance fees to him and said THANKS. That guy also asked for water but we had some other plan.

4:00 Morning, VS Hospital
Now we're chatting our expo at VS with Tea/Coffee and Maskaban. We cursed all of people (Monsters) came across situation and didn't help. It's been amazing time - 7 unknown people became friends just bcoz of single purpose they shared. Exchanged professional information and contacts. We also came to know Amar's father was PI. Moreover - it reminded me school/college days when we used to go for Tea/Coffee (more precisely for roaming ;)) at 3:00 o'clock with friends on exam nights. Had hand shake after 30 minutes being there, with pride on each face and I took a leave.

4:45 - I was home. Mom asked the reason and I just smiled :)