Love not words win Arguments....

 

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

“Why?” he asked, shocked. “I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can’t even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:” What can I do to change your mind?” Somebody said it right, it’s hard to change a person’s personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : “Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?” He said :” I will give you your answer tomorrow….” My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes….

My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..” This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading. “When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy. You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand… and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face…

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. ” My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting… and as I continue on reading…

“Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk…

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread…. Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone…

That’s life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… and that’s our life… Love, not words win arguments…

EGO makes it 4:00…..

Eventually people hits around situation when personal EGO seems more practical than logical situation. It’s been long time getting subject to write on; the hunger for writing something was fulfilled when ………

3-4 years ago,

“I’ve EGO problem and get angry quickly normally” said Deepen.

What the fuck is EGO? - I used to think and how does it make person Angry??

Oblivious of giving denotation of this word doesn’t mean I don’t buy it – it’s just being unable to comprehend it which may’ve kicked me out of INDUSA during interview probably too 4 years back.
 

July 3^rd, 2012 – 9:30 PM

Amazing Spiderman wasn’t bad option but didn’t worth 200 buck candidly. It came out as having another movie plan and as Pratik(Gotiyo) had been to Ahmedabad; I did not deny even if it was 9-30 show. I could have enjoyed movie more though; had I been 10-12 years younger than what I was today ;) :) We (Deepen, Poonam, Gotiyo, Srikanth, Jainam, Jinal etc etc) got separated after show  ~12-00 and accompanied by Jinal in his car I asked Jinal to drive me (till Deepen’s place) as FZ was missing .

“I am not dropping you home….” said Jinal unknowing of me wanting to drop by Deepen’s room.

“Deepen’s room sir”….I thought WTF  :P

I saw everyone getting dispersed and we were in Jinal’s Esteem.

Back story in noon was - Jinal’s being tired, slept and waking up in theatre without having dinner made him hungry at 12-00 like anything; and why not? No every man in world can follow Ramdev baba :D  We moved towards Honest Resz to get something packed and called up Deepen/shrikanth if they wanted to have anything. Unfortunately to fortune - they never deny and our 30 paisa call was worth to Jain Bhaaji and 1 Cock for them (Oops its Coke) ;) :D  After ordering Jain Bhaji, Pulao , we started chitchatting about business that Honest and Ashok Pan Parlor makes a day. Impressive it makes!!!

I Heard…

While returning to Deepen’s place; I heard interesting lines spoken by Jinal..

“If this guys gonna stop, we not going to….we should not….etc etc”  he talked about Combing night Police guys who stops every little vehicle after 12:00 and do their verification.

Police did not stop us that time anyways and we reached before Deepen, Pratik and Srikanth safely.

Here and there….

They finished food hounding on car itself chirping about one after another taking someone granted and fuss-fussing on each of them who weren’t there even ;) It’s normal for people to talk back of person among friends and creating or altering image mostly in negative way. People don’t talk good about others now days. Bitter truth I would say – People remembers people’s off-putting actions so easily and it’s hard for them to remember to good ones which may create respect :P :D. Some said very beautifully – “Being good person is very tough coz it’s like being Goal Keeper; They never remember how many u saved, rather they always recall how many you missed”.  We took one by one many of us for backstabbing – and I started realizing I would have been also part of such discussions among them sometime :D   :D  :D

In such discussions - Some stay neutral; some shows smartness; some remains truthful; some acquires silence; some are there to satisfy their EGO :) :) :) Bole to personally lai le che……

It was worth noting caption – “Dosti me daraar nahi he….Daraar me dosti he” :) Thanks to Srikanth…..

I remain silent mostly now a days anyways :) Lucky I’m….

Story Starts now…

Foremost discussion came to end with Shrikanth’s utter of desire of eating Pastry at 1-30 o’clock. I already had 2 calls from home If I was going back soon at home. I thought it won’t take more than 30 minutes and will reach home by 2-00. But……

Kicking off TGB, having Pastry and finishing up took more than 1 hour and we headed back towards the place from where we kicked off.

TGB….Pakvaan Cross Road….US Pizza….Iscon Cross roads…..Left…Dominoz….and there we are…..

They were waiting for us the way hungry Lion waits for their hunt. About 6 police guys were on duty for night vehicle checkups due to recent kidnappings taken place in different schools (I did not know). They made us stop our car and Jinal stopped the car. This was the obedient mistake :(

 

Quite Obvious…

Quite obvious it is; when 5 homogeneously aged guys are grouped in car it always sounds sneaky. Thank god none of us was single girl ;) :D It would have looked freaky. We did not look for option other than coming out of car and do as they order. They acted upon duty by checking that we are neither intoxicated nor kidnappers ;) :D Thanks to Shrikant not having had drink before moving to TGB. I was calm; Pratik can be blown away with little bridge; Deepen was cool but confident; Shrikant was smart – But Jinal was Egoistic ….Fuck!!!

Duty says check out Clean hands; Smell People; Verify License; Observe Innocence - Let them GO if 3 out of 4 gets satisfied !!

Hands were clean; none was drunk; License was available – I thought we are good to go…..but Innocence missed :( :( :(  I’m not sure what frame of mind perceived Jinal that day – he was truthful but out of mind. So far I’ve seen him as smartest person to handle the things wisely; but today….

“Licence Apo..” said that guy…

“Lo ne…Aa rahyu license…biju kai check karvu che?” Jinal overstated with attitude of most decent family son who was stopped for verification as if he’s terrorist. It looked to me as if something going to be interesting….I was ready ;)

“License Original kya che?” Guy verified and responded spotly.

“Duplicate License che….Ghare thi lai aavu Original kaheta hoy to…” He’s getting mad I thought; but he was driving car 5 mins before; he was answerable anyways :( ;) :)

“Haan lai aavo…” Guy with slim body and Khakhi wears responded to Jinal’s attitude cum EGO!!

“Biju kai saaheb?...”

“Car papers che Gaadi ma?” he interviewed…

Jinal probably knew that Car papers were not available still he asked Deepen and Pratik to check out the front car box to get the papers out. As it had to; it ended up with CLEAN HANDS with CLEAN BOX :D :D :D Jinal had no other option than getting papers and license from home. Sadly – it was 3 O’Clock :( :(

Allowing people in their fifties sleeping at midnight to get disturbed at 3’00 oclock was not a wise conclusion. But it just ended up that way….which in turn made Jinal more annoyed and angry. This was pure experienced Butterfly effect - I must say. Initial event (first answer) took it forward as if it was Chaos Theory occurring where destiny was to get locks unlocked for Papers and License at midnight.

Jinal with Pratik were out of AIR and I along with Deepen and Shrikanth started conversation with all of ~6 Police guys. We started with exchanging names, doing done’s and to our fortune it shifted up to offering of Tea and Coffee. I sought to be witty and whelming by asking for Bournvita – did I so ;) :)

But this conversation actually started putting up meaning when Deepen pointed out towards a car where one of their guys allowed another BMW to pass away without any check….

“E bhai ne bahu harakh hato Papers leva javano…License dekhadvano…”, “Hu tamne aaram thi java det, jo emne sarkhi rite vaat kari hot to..”, “ame koi ne rokta j nathi…aa to khali check karvu pade…”, “Report dekhadvana hoy etle….”, “tamne rokya kem ke tame youngsters cho…”, “ame khali Drink karyu che ke nai etlu j check karta hoiye che….”, “emno tone and javabo bahu uncha hata…” etc etc.

As simple as that – Sometimes Being Humble makes it easier than satisfying personal EGO :)

Back Story at 3-30 AM….

Jinal had to seemingly wake his father for papers at home which again took interesting turn as Papers were not on hand at ParshSaarthi Tower; 10^th floor in first building :(:(.  Next step was to collect papers from Office at Manekbaug (Probably) which required Office Keys. Jinal’s brother came to help along with Pratik and they moved towards office at 3:30 AM; for us who were innocently mortgaged and waiting for Jinal coming back with all things needed – except Anger and EGO !!

My mom called up again but this time on Deepen’s cell with little anger and discontent in her words L Eventually, I just let it happen whatever was going on. In-fact I was enjoying such blogging incident after long time. As expected and waited – we saw Jinal’s CAR returning and we sighed breath of relief (just because we wanted to get back; we were not afraid of anything at all). Back story said that Pratik was on the way and to be back soon carried by 80+ Kg figure and original papers along with; which in fact was not at all needed :) :) But unneeded things always get carried by people….

Ego – Attitude – Self Respect:  A thin line exists between each of them but normally people ends up converting Attitude and Self Respect into EGO. Jinal again started to satisfy his EGO by questioning on their duty which later on started meshing up between Jinal and Head among Six guys. Sometimes it is not easy to support person under EGO even if he’s true. I could see that Jinal was not wrong on his part by questioning things; he was trying to make out truthful state but again with EGO or to satisfy his EGO. In parallel Head of those night duty guys was also getting more interested in showing off his Ego-Attitude-Power. Things got worse again and they both ended up sitting in CAR to move for tolling up and car getting seized by higher authorities :( :(  
Ego …Bhai….Ego…have to banne no Ego :D :D :D

I only was with Jinal among we fives; he did not do anything wrong, but perhaps time was not correct. I don’t support Jinal’s Ego but I definitely wanted to be against power show off of Head of those Police guys. Thankfully, Smart People were around (Deepen and Shrikanth) who made the situation low soon to make them out of car and do their own business at ~3-40. Soon Pratik along with Utsav came with papers awaited and we finally planned to say ALVIDA. To my surprise they did not even look at the papers before we waved off; they certainly were not waiting for papers as they said earlier :) :) :D

Arguments started as soon as we set up in car while returning; Deepen had to start counseling Jinal; Jinal had his own mind frame that time; Shrikanth was extravagance and Jinal again was fighting back with partial truth. Sometimes smartness wins over truth attached with EGO; Deepen and Shrikanth proved it. I remained silently focused on going home ASAP :)  Sometimes Silence is more powerful than anything but  “Jab meri baat aati he, nothing remains powerful”  –  hahahahahahahahaha :) :)

It was nice Pastry experience….I love to miss it…..I remember when I reached home it was 4-00; Ego makes it 4-00 :) :) :)

Need your favor

“Need your favor” I got call from a friend who’s just married and staying in Hyderabad.

8:00 PM - 7th January’2012, Bopal
I am watching a thriller “Yeh Saali Zindagi” on Akshar Medical Shop and I suddenly listen to “Jaise hare k friend jaruri hota he…..” It went on till I was done with my customer; but before I could respond it stopped. Had been finished with Customer, I looked into my cell and it was her call which I missed. Usually, I only perceive complains of her life and abusing words for me from her whenever I speak to her. Even if I am the only one friend whom she can rely on in ahmedabad, I always found it fun to enjoy her abuses over my friendship. Wow….What a fun it is!! :D :D

She is endearing friend of course, but situations never allow me to talk to her in good manner. I called her back after few minutes when I got free out of my work.

“Need your favor Jasmin…” I heard after initial formalities of “Hi Boy” and “Hello...How are you baby?” :D
“And what is that?” I thought she would again start with Job issues.
“I know you won’t do me favor but still I am asking you, coz you are only good friend you know?” I always knew.

Before I could speak anything, she continued.
“Hey today it’s Dad’s birthday and I want to surprise him on behalf of me and Vishal. You know after marriage I this is his first b’day………etc……etc…..she went on convincing me with all emotions of PAPA KI PARI :)”
“Which cake?” I surprised her as she couldn’t expect me to do as since due to what has happened last few months.
“Wow Jasmin, you really would do it?” she as expected got surprised with my response.
“Which cake and how much?” with little attitude of favoring.
“Just get Black Forest Half KG as only mom and Dad are there” she didn’t even think I would also eat the cake :(
“Okay will do it... ‘LOVE YOU DAD – Avni/Vishal’ on cake?”
“No no…keep it ‘Happy Birthday DAD – Vishal/Avni’….okay?” she gave respect to her recently married hubby.
“Cool….” I said, as who was I to decide what to be sprinkled on Cake and what not to be ;)

The more unforeseen factor was that I never had been to her home before even if we were friends since 4+ years. Besides, I also never met her Mom and Dad before :( :D
“Have you been to my place before? I guess once you’d come. Right?” she asked.
“Wrong!! No, you never invited me when you were alone ;)” I flirted her knowing she was recently married :D :D
“Shut up. Then how would u find my home?” she meant to speak only about favor she wanted.
“Get me the Address, I will find it. No worries” I retorted confidently.
“Have you seen Nehrunagar Cross roads? ……..etc….etc……etc….” she pointed out each corner of around her home so I can find it easily.
“I’ll call you once I reach your place. Anything else?” I had customer waiting.
“Reach early around 11:30 PM, so u may get time to find home….” She didn’t want to miss.
“Bugger Off Girl, I shall find it….you have fitted me with whole map in my mind” :D Girls are like that only.

We also had little talk over cash transfer and little flirty nature of mine in past. But the point was – I am ready to do it again. 3 years back I also executed such surprise for her sister’s birthday and it was fun being Delivery boy from “Cakes and Bake”.

I as usual with my FZ-16 kicked off towards Nehrunagar keeping in mind that I need to buy cake. At 11 o’clock, only RAISIN would be open near Prahaladnagar road, I thought. It’s January, mid time for cold and it was 8 Degree last night heard in news. I was covered from almost side with jacket, hand gloves and handkie rolled over the face. I was mad. Who’ll do such madness in such cold, where in spite of going home I was heading towards 10 Km away from my home bearing such cold to prove some lost friendship. Wow, mad friendship!! :D

Suddenly I got one police staring at me on Prahalaadnagar road and pointed me with her Police stick. I was scared as even I did not have Passbook or PUC and police are always ready to bribe over some or another way. But that should be day time duty; 11:00 at night is not a time for bribing money in illegal way – I thought. I stopped my bike nearby him and said “Yes Sir?”
“Get me lift till next cross road” his words looked order rather than request.
“Ok Ssssir..” I was happy at least he did not ask for money.

I did not speak a word until reached RAISIN and then I uttered to police who was old in age though looked strong.
“I need to buy cake. Can you wait for some time?”
“Alright. If I get another vehicle, I’ll move. You go ahead.” cool and lame answer I got from him.

I parked my bike and went into RAISIN. Opted for Chocolate Truffle as they did not have Black forest. I knew it gonna cost me ~400 bugs unsure of getting it back, but still sometimes happiness for lonely old people gives more value. I was waiting for the cake to be packed up in few minutes after I gave them paper on which I wrote “Happy B’day Dad – Vishal/Avni”.

Waiting for cake gave me lot of past thoughts within 15 minutes. These 15 minutes were very painful if I be honest. There was lot to think about my so far past birthdays while buying cake for the people who were unknown to me. Even when cake arrived I lasted there for few more minutes and kept thinking. Last thought was “How many times I would do such favors to others?”

I set off from RAISIN at 11:30 PM. When I got out I found poor lady selling balloons with Hope of earning few bugs. There was no reason to deny for Balloons when someone is trying to earn at 11:30 night by selling balloons to pour their stomach. I bought two balloons from her ignoring other poor but young man who was begging rather than trying for earning. Balloons, I got one for uncle and another for auntie, but more precisely my intensions were to help that poor lady who was trying. There was some calmness after last 15 minutes twister in heart when I left from that place.

Within 15 minutes, I reached Nehrunagar holding up 2 big balloons in one hand and cake in other one along with lots of thought in mind. Finding her place was no burden. I figured out it easily the place of her mom and dad as she fitted me every corner around her home.

Game starts now,
I reached TrustNagar society and read name of her father on front society board outside. I had some kind of zeal still scary feeling. I get into society and dogs started barking seeing me wrapped up like thief from every side. I also had dark green polarized glasses on which resembled me no lesser than DON with black jacket, hand gloves(which normally murderers wear before killing someone) and face covered with hankie.

Suddenly I hear barking of dogs from nowhere and saw 2-3 street dogs were following towards me. I gave sweet whispering whistle to dogs as soon as I reached 10 meters from her home. That’s all I knew how to handle street dogs ;) Dogs were ready to get me caught as thief by society people. Some hidden emotions came out from Dogs and I could see their Tails dancing. A mature sign of dogs that when they are calm and convinced, they start using their tail :) I was relaxed.

I am standing outside her home in Trustnagar society and thinking of calling her up. But I am me.

Ideaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!

Mind-blowing. I acted as soon as idea of jumping the locked gate of her bungalow hit my notorious mind(knowing of first time being to someone’s place whom I never had met :D :D :D). Keeping my glows and Specs aside, one hand having cake and other has balloons. I could see someone watching TV inside but that could not stop me. I just climbed gate and phone rang :( Shittttttttttttt !! She called me up when I was about to jump. I informed her what I gonna do and she was excited too. It’s surprise factor :) Someone came to open door probably listening to ringtone or my jumping feet. All I had to do was………..

“Happy b’day to you…Happy B’day to you… Happy B’day Uncle” I was singing and laughing :D :D
He was more than surprised. Auntie came out and I performed my show offs bowing her ;) I gifted them cake and 2 balloons instantly and I was gifted with “BIG SMILE” on uncle’s face :)

Uncle was so happy…so were auntie. We sitted for next 15 minutes together and they asked me for my job and how I had been her friend. Little chat gags and I felt like being part of her family. I had Ice cream offered by auntie – Cookie creams my favorite :) I shared it with uncle and auntie and they loved it. Though, I was unaware but they already knew me by name :)

My Name is jESS and I am not Terrorist ;) I had to admit after jumping their gate at 12:00 :):):)

I left her home after having ICE cream with lots of smile on faces. I was on bike back to 10Kms and got her call and she was very laughing too with all heart of happiness. I just was feeling good in corner of my heart….

“It was very sweet gesture of friendship from your end. You have good side within your heart and thanks for making me part of that good side. Really appreciate it. – Love Avni/Vishal“ - was the SMS I received from her.

Things did not end here….
However things do not end here. Back to home on the way, and I was thinking why I did this? What I gonna get apart from 2 hours of good feeling and one blog post? What’s the reason I always think about making others happy when I never brought such lovely moments for my parent? It’s not only up to my parents. It’s about my whole family. I do it for others - Why? Some tears in eyes with thoughts of this was really not done even if was done. Life has betrayed me with unconditional happiness because I was never able to give such surprise, such feel good flashes to my family itself. There is big distinction between happiness and satisfaction. I can laugh and I can make other smile. But do I really feel happy? Do I feel satisfied? I just feel good momentary….it will be vanished….

A biggest secret is – I never had visibly happiest birthday of my life ever. Every b’day of mine brings some shock and some sadness; which overrides other happiness I receive on same day. Most of my birthdays have been my exam days during schooling. All I remember, It started since b’day on 12th of my schooling; when best friend of mine did not attend my party giving me hardest feel. Someday I did not receive call from the girl I loved most – I cried a lot. Someday I was crying on my b’day after losing job and lost in gloomy days. Someday I was crying on my break ups on my b’day itself. I always remember my every b’day with no fair and clean happiness.
I still do enjoy whatever god offers me.

I will ask to god someday on my birthday - “Need your favor SIR" :)